My crushlist.

I have been crushed out few times. I mean I have also a few names under my crush list like everyone. I was not a ‘jerk’ but still I was a jerk. Though now I am not. I am not a jerk at all now. And the reason is my heart. There is only one name residing in from last few years. There is only one face I desire to look at every time. There is only one girl with whom I want to spend my rest of the life. And the worst part or may be the best part is, she is still away from me. it’s a different story, will tell you some other time.

Anyway, coming to my crush list, my first was when I was in fifth standard. She was as beautiful and sweet as her name. She was older than me I guess. I can’t be sure coz I never asked about her age. We should never ask about their age, and I was very much not aware of the fact. Soon I left the school and she just couldn’t come into my life. She couldn’t turn into a lover from the crush.

My next crush was in 8^th standard and then in 10^th standard. Like many of you, in 8^th she was my class teacher and in 10^th she was my senior. I was the favorite student of the teacher. I used to solve every sum for the class and she used to just relax in her chair. And the later one, my senior was just a hi and hello girl. One day my senior got committed with one of her senior and I stopped looking at her.

All the four of my crushes seemed to take away my heart in her first look. Either it was my 5^th grade or my first year. But no one was able to take my heart away actually. Finally the fifth girl came into my life and did the tough task. My heart is no more with me from last few years. She took it away. She made me feel lonely. She made me cry. I am missing her. And yes, I didn’t feel for her when I saw her first. She was just another kid. But that kid did the kidding part. And rest is the future.

Again coming to the crush list and this is about my fourth crush. She was my longest crush. Almost one and a half year long crush. As it was just a crush, It had to vanish. Slowly and steadily I lost every crushing interest that beautiful lady.

One beautiful evening, after I lost every interest in the longest crush, I was having a routine walk in the streets of Jaipur. There was a park near by and I walked into it. As it was already a half and hour walk, I preferred to sit on the bench in one of the corner.

I was still wondering in my thoughts when a skinny, not so tall boy walked to me. He had some bad intentions in his eyes. May be wanted to kill me. Or, may be he wanted to beat me up.

“Yes.” I said with my evergreen smile.

“Are you Raj?” he asked in fuming tone.

“Yes, do you have any problem?” I was confused but calm.

“Yes, I have problem.”

“Oh! Should I change my name? Okay no probs. Suggest me some name and I will choose one of them.” I joked out of habit. And surely he didn’t like it.

“You bloody, I am not here to have fun with you.” He was crossing the line. I felt to slap him on his face. But I controlled my urge. Coz I knew that my one tight slap can let him kiss the ground. Though I have never been a muscle man but still, I knew my strength.

“Then? Then why are you here? Excuse me! Do I know you in the first place?” I tried to be serious for the first time.

  “I am here to warn you. Don’t dare to look at Gracy again or I will kill you.” He tried to threaten me.

Oh! That means, he was the well wisher of my longest crush. But how does he know me? Gracy must have told him. But why now? Doesn’t she liking that I am not taking interest in her. I don’t even give a crap for her.

“Wow angry young man! I am scared! Thank you for giving me one more chance.” I tried to act once more. Believe me, I am a very good actor. “By the way, who are you? Her brother?” I asked again.

“No. She is my girlfriend. And it will be better for you to maintain a distance from her.” he said. I felt to laugh out loud. He was the boyfriend? Duffer he was. Anyway, more fun was ahead. It was my turn to play with him.

“Hey Mr. Boyfriend. Cool down and sit here.” I said in my usual cool tone.

“I am cool, that’s why I am alone here. Otherwise I could have come with my friends and beaten you up.” It was height of my patience I was listening his craps. He could have went red faced otherwise.

“Relax buddy, sit here. Thanks that you came alone. This way you saved yourself and your friends too. “ I put my hand on his shoulder and said. “You know what, may be I am a supporter of non violence but I don’t think its same with my friends and well wishers. If something happens to me than you don’t know what they can do to you. So you better relax.”

He didn’t answer.

“As far as Gracy is concerned, then if you trust her, if you love her and she loves you, than you don’t have to worry. I never troubled her. But at the same time, you can’t change my feelings. If I love her then I love her. You can’t do anything. Just trust your relationship and take care of her.” I lied the last part. Coz I never loved her.

 I could have broken their relationship. I could have told him each and everything, and I knew that it was enough to break their relationship. But never believe in breaking the relationships. I believe in making it.

We talked for next half an hour. About his life and his ambitions. As a senior, I suggested him many things which was better for his life.

“AS we are friends now, can’t you forget her for your friend.” He requested. A smile ran over my face.

That was the day and this is the day after four years. No new crush in my life. may god bless all my crushes.

और कितना बलिदान?

हर साल ८ मार्च को महिला दिवस मनाया जाता है. लेकिन आज, हमारे देश में महिलाओं की स्थिति देखकर मेरा सर शर्म से झुक जाता है. हज़ारों सवाल उठ खडे होते हैं जिनका जवाब नहीं ढूँढ पाता मैं. क्या महिलाओं का सम्मान बस किसी खास दिवस तक ही सिमित है? उनकी परिस्थिति के लिए क्या हम जिम्मेदार नहीं हैं? और जो कुछ भी आँखों के सामने आता है, बस शर्म से झुक जाती हैं ये आखें.

हमारा देश हमेशा से नारी प्रधान रहा है. ये वही देश है जहाँ सीता जैसी नारी ने जन्म लिया तो माँ दुर्गा ने राक्षसों का संहार भी किया. ये वही देश है जहाँ हम आज भी माँ लक्ष्मी, माँ दुर्गा, माँ सरस्वती या माँ पार्वती की पूजा करते हैं. ये वही धरती है जहाँ अपनी जन्भूमि को भी माँ का दर्जा दिया गया है. तो फिर क्यूँ हम उसी माँ की प्रतिमूर्ति पर लांछन लगाने से नहीं चूकते? क्यूँ आज हर दिन किसी न किसी नारी का अपमान हो रहा है? क्यूँ हम उसी माँ के किसी और रूप को आदर के दृष्टि से नहीं देख पाते? क्या यही हमारे संस्कार, हमारी संस्कृति है? या फिर हम अपनी मानसिकता खोते जा रहे हैं?

शायद हाँ. हम अपनी मानसिकता खोते जा रहे हैं. हम दिन से दिन बीमार होते जा रहे हैं. हमारे सोचने समझने की शक्ति खोती जा रही हैं शायद. हम भूलते जा रहे हैं के ये वही माँ है जिसने हमे जन्म दिया और पाला. ये वही बहने है जिसकी रक्षा की कसम हम खाया करते हैं. ये वही दादी या नानी है जो हमें किस्से सुनाया करती हैं. ये वही नारी है जो अपना सबकुछ त्याग कर हमारे सुख दुःख में साथ देती है. और ये वही नारी है जिसकी हम रोज पूजा अर्चना किया करते हैं. आज हम उसी मान या बहन या बीवी के साथ बदसुलूकी कर रहे हैं. हम उसी जननी का अपमान करते हैं. और ये सब करते हुए हमारी आखे सरम से झुकती भी नहीं. क्या ये अच्छी मानसिकता वाले लोगों का काम है. हरगिज़ नहीं. हम खुद को इंसान कहते हैं, अरे हम तो राक्षस कहलाने के लायक भी नहीं. रावन एक राक्षस होते हुए भी अपनी मर्यादा जानता था. सीता माँ का अपहरण करके भी उसने कभी गलत नज़र से नहि देखा.

छेड़ छाड या गंग रेप जैसी घटनाए तो ऐसे आम हो गयीं हैं जैसे के हमने कभी सभ्यता सीखी ही नहीं. कोई निर्भया बलिदान दे देती है और हम इलज़ाम लगाते रह जाते हैं. जुलुस निकालते हैं सरकार के खिलाफ. हंगामा मचाते हैं. और फिर भूल जाते हैं. नेताओं की तो बात ही छोड़ दो. वो तो यहाँ भी अपने मतलब की निकालने से नहीं चूकते. बलात्कार या हत्या जैसे मामलों पर राजनीति की रोटी सेकना तो कोई हमारे नेताओं से सीखे. हिटलर  से कम नहीं हैं हमारी सरकार. शांति के साथ प्रदर्शन कर रहे लोगों पर भी लाठिया बरसाती है. और जहाँ तक हमारी क़ानून व्यवस्था का सवाल है तो उसमे इतने छेद हैं के कोई भी अपराधी आसानी से बच निकल जाए. तो आखिर जनता जाए कहाँ? अपराधियों को सजा मिले कैसे? हमारी माँ और बहें सुरक्षित कैसे रहें?और हमारा समाज बदले कैसे?

मुझे बड़ी ग्लानी महसूस होती है जब समाज के रक्षक ही इन घटनाओं पर अपनी उल जुलूल प्रतिक्रिया देते हैं. कोई कहता हैं के शादी की उम्र घटा दो तो कोई कहता हैं टीवी चैनल्स बंद करवा दो. सारे किसी न किसी तरीके से अपनी कमियां छुपाने में लगे हैं. तरस आता हैं मुझे इनलोगों पर जो अपना दर्जा बनाये रखने के लिए अपनी गलतियों को किसी और के सर मढ देते हैं. यहाँ तक की हमारे बाबा लोग भी अपनी टिपण्णी देने से नहीं चूकते. हम खुद को मर्द कहते हैं. क्या ये है हमारी मर्दानगी? क्या बलात्कार या गंग रेप जैसी घटनाये हमारी मर्दानगी दर्शाती हैं. या ये हमारी कायरता दिखाती है. अगर हम किसी नारी का सम्मान नहीं कर सके तो लानत है ऐसे मर्द कहलाने पर. शर्म से डूब मारना चाहिए ऐसे लोगों को जो अपनी मर्दानगी इस तरह जाहिर करते हैं.  

कहते हैं व्यक्ति ही समाज का आइना होता है. और सच भी है. व्यक्ति से समाज बनता है न की समाज से व्यक्ति. हम समाज को इलज़ाम देने के बजाए खुद को बदलने की कोशिश क्यूँ नहीं करते? हम बदलेंगे तो समाज का नजरिया बदलेगा. आज अगर हम नारियों का सम्मान करना शुरू कर दे, हम अगर उनकी रक्षा के लिए आगे आये, हम अगर उनके भावनाओं की क़द्र करना सीख जाए. तो ये समाज जरूर बदलेगा. अगर हम अपने बच्चो की पहली हि गलती पर उसे डांटे, उन्हें सबका सम्मान करना सिखाये तो समाज बदलेगा.  हम अगर अपनों की गलती को छुपाने या उसे बचाने की बजाये उसे सजा दें तो समाज बदलेगा. और जिस दिन ऐसा हो गया फिर किसी निर्भया को बलिदान नहीं देना परेगा. और सही मायने में हम एक भारतीय, एक भाई, एक पति या एक बेटा कहलाने के लायक बन पाएंगे.

                                                            कुंदन विद्यार्थी

When the night rises

Its almost 2 o'clock. The night is too dark to see. The night is rising. The night is rising towards a beautiful morning. But right now the whole world is sleeping except some freak people like me. May be they are up for some work. May be they are on phone or busy with someone. But I am not busy. Its just that i cant sleep at all. And there are many reasons for this.
The thoughts of my family, the thoughts of my future and my past is keeping my mind engaged. What i was? What i am? And what i will be??? No answer. Everything is in dark, just like the darkness of night. May be there is a beautiful morning ahead, but the wait is not getting over. I feel tired of waiting. I want this wait to get over. I want to see the beautiful morning again.
In past couple of years, may be i have chosen a different way for myself. May be it is far from traditional ways. But i have done every bit of what should be done. I got continuous failure, but never gave up. I kept up working and i will keep working anyway. But sometimes, i feel frustrated. Its hard to continue without any success. Still i am doing it.
I am a dreamer. I dream with open eyes. And believe in following my dreams. I am just doing the same. I am just following my dream. And i am sure, one day success will come my way.
Today, when i look back, i get myself standing alone. And believe me, this is the worst feeling. I miss each of them equally. I wish them to be with me. But at the same time, i know the fact that most People leave you in your hard days. I am not in a situation to complain anyway. I know that this is my life and i have to face it alone.
I have one more dream which i never followed. But my god knows, i think of her every moment. I think of her with every single breathe i take. I just cant get her off my head. She is in my eyes and in my heart. No matter how big problem is there, she dont go off for even a second.
Whenever i am alone and not even a sound is around, her thought gets over every other thought. And thats the time when she plays with my emotions most. Thats the time when i miss her the most. I wish he could be with me.
If i am sleeping, she enters my dream, she smiles, she talk and dissapear. She promises to come again and keep every promise of hers. But never comes when i need her. Never comes when i am awake. May be she is playing with me. May be she is enjoying this game if hide abd seek. But still, i love her and i cant stop loving her.
Now, its the time. She must be waiting for me to sleep so she can meet me in my dream. And i cant keep her waiting for long. Take care
And yes, I will live each and every dream if mine one day. Its a promise to myself. Hey unfollowed dream, i am coming soon.
    kundan vidyarthy

He Faked, I broke...

He said, he loved me. He said, he can’t live without me. He said, I am his life. And I believed each and every word he said. I trusted him more than I trusted myself.

He was not just any other guy around me. he was special. He became special at the very moment I saw him first. He took my heart away. A guy who uses spectacles. A sweet looking charming and handsome guy. And as sweet his name was. Rishi. Rishi mukherjee. I started dreaming to be Mrs. Mukherjee at the very moment we met first.

It was the luckiest day of my life when he proposed me. I accepted his proposal without giving it any second thought. I was feeling to fly. I was the happiest girl on the planet I guess. We had some fantastic moments together. I always felt proud to be with him. Time passed and when our relationship completed one year, I didn’t know. The most beautiful year of my life it was.

But I didn’t know that dreaming about him was the biggest mistake of my life. I didn’t know that my life was going to change soon. I never thought that I was going to regret those beautiful moments.

One fine morning he called me. It was not the usual call. He was looking upset. I asked that why he was upset. He answered and I was socked with his answer. He was almost crying. He said that his mother got an accident and she is no more with us.  He has to go back to his home town. I also felt to cry after the news. I asked him to let me come with him. He denied. And I didn’t force him. He was going through the bad phase of his life. I said him that I am always with him.

He went. He went with a promise that he will be back soon.

Time passed and I waited for him. Days and months passed but he didn’t come back. Whenever I asked him, he said that he will be back soon. I trusted him again. Slowly and steadily as time passed, he started neglecting me. he started ignoring my phone calls. And still I thought that he is in a problem. I waited for the day when he will solve the problems and come back to me.

One morning, when I called, a lady received the call. She said, she is his mother. I was socked. I couldn’t hold the phone and it slid down on the floor. It broke and my heart too broke into pieces. I didn’t had energy left to ask any question to the lady. I was feeling like someone has got every drop of blood out from my body. I cried. I shouted. But no one was there to hear my pain. It was hard to believe but it was the truth.

I was not crying because his mom was still alive. I was crying because he faked the death of his own mother. If he didn’t want to carry up the relationship, he could have told me. It could have been a little difficult but still I could have been respected his decision. There was no need to tell such a lie. I was feeling cheated for the first time.

He never called me again. Whenever I called, he rejected it. Very soon he changed his number. It took me long time to accept the fact that he played with me. He faked every time. He played with my heart like any other game.

Today, when I look back, I feel very sorry for myself. I was a fool that I trusted him blindly. I let him play with my emotions.

Now the situation is, I loved him, he never did. I am living without him, he was never with me. I cared for him but he played. Sometimes, when past memories flashes in my mind, I feels to cry. Not because he hurt me but because I trusted him.

                                                                                      

                                                                                         Kundan Vidyarthy

The Unsent Letters

24^th April was a very important day in my life. This was the day when my mom and dad got married 25 years ago. And I have seen, their love for each other have only grown with each passing day. They were the perfect couple according to me. And I have a perfect family.

This was 23^rd of April and still didn’t have any idea about the gift. It was for the first time I was planning for a gift to make the day special for him in last 17 years. My sister was there to help me but I couldn’t like any of her ideas. And now I was on my own to decide.

In these tough decision making moments, I reached the study of my dad. It was the place where I was not allowed more often. But today was different. No one was home. So I was free to walk around the home anywhere. I started to search the study. May be I get something or some idea. And in the process, I got something. Something very unusual and very old.

These were the letters. Letters full of love and emotions. Letters full of care and restless moments. And as I know, it was the handwriting of Dad. But for whom he wrote it. There was no name on any of the letters. I was surprised to know that he loved someone so much in his college days. He was a lover boy. But who was the lucky girl. No, it can’t be mom coz she is almost 5 years younger than Dad. There were a lot of questions going through my mind. The answers were only with dad or may be with his friends.

Anyway, I was there for the gift idea which I didn’t get. I took those letters and got out of the study room. Wait! Can these letters turn to be a good gift? No. It can’t. So what next? But still I was curious to know the name. The name which was the Favorite name for my Dad in his younger days.  Its not fare yaar. According to the letters, he couldn’t share hi feelings to the girl. It must reach to that girl, I thought. Now after 25 years, actually it doesn’t mean anything. But at least we must know the name of the lucky girl. Dad should share the story to us. My not so mature mind had a plan.

“Hey guys, It’s a very special day for my family. And today I have something special for you all.” I said. Not much people were present as it was a family gathering. Our family, some of the relatives and friends were only present there.

Everyone looked at me.

“Yes guys, I have some letters in my pocket. These are not just the letters but a heart of the lover boy. A boy who loved but couldn’t get it. He pour the heart out on these few blank papers but couldn’t send it to the girl whom he loved. Almost after 27 years those unsent letters are with his son and this time the wants to know the name of that lucky girl.” I said again. Everyone had a surprising look on their faces. Especially dad and mom. My sister was a part of the plan.

“And that lover boy is present in this party. What say dad…?” it was my sister who took me over.

Now the attentions were on Dad’s face. And he had the expression like he doesn’t know anything.

“You can’t lie Dad. We have the letters and it’s your handwriting? So tell us everything, and first thing first, the name?” she continued.

“Yes Ravi, I agree with the Rahul and Rimi. You have to tell it Please….” Mom smiled and said.

“Okay…..” Finally Dad got up. He held the hands of mom and started saying.

“Its almost 28 years old story. I saw a very pretty and simple girl and fell in love with her. Though I was very senior to her but still her presence around me was enough to increase my heartbeat. Her one smile was enough to let me forget all my pain. Days passed, years passed but I couldn’t tell her about my feelings. Though I was an intelligent boy but in front of her I was the dumbest. Just because I was not sure of her feelings, I couldn’t say it. I wrote many letters but never sent any of them. And then one day…..” he stopped and looked into the eyes of mom. She was smiling. A smile which I couldn’t understand.

“Then what……” lot of voices said in chorus. I was one of them.

“And one day Neena told me. She told me that that girl also loves me. she told me that she loves me very much.”

“Then…?”

“Then what? Then we got married and soon we had two dumbest kids in our life. You duffers….” Mom said this time. And everyone started laughing, including me.

I gave the letter to the one whom it belonged. I handed all the letters to mom. She read it. She smiled and cried at the same time. And dad wiped the tears out like always.  

I was the happiest person right now. Because Dad was always with the love of his life. Because they loves each other so much. And because I was their son.

But some people are there who are not lucky to spend their life with their loved ones. Many people are around who couldn’t share their feelings to the one they loved. For them just one advice, Say it if you are in love. May be you are the next lucky person like my mom and dad.

It was the story of Rahul and his family. Let see, how lucky I am going to be in my life……!!!!                                                                                                        

I am Sorry And I mean it.

Sorry! This five lettered word worth millions actually. It looks like nothing, sounds like nothing but this word actually means a lot. One sorry can make or break a relation. And in my opinion nothing can be more important than making someone happy or saving a relationship. Nothing.
Some people are too rude and egoistic to use this word. No matter they are wrong or right. But such people never say sorry to someone. I don't think that saying sorry will make his status small or something else. I have seen some people in my life who have done some terrible mistakes but never said sorry. They know that they have just hurt some one or spoiled  a life but still they don't care.They know that it was his mistake but never feel to say sorry.
Why the hell should I! This is the reaction in most of the cases. And this attitude always kills a relationship. Some uses this word but don't mean it. In this case also a relationship can't survive. Sorry is not just a casual word. It is the word full of feelings.
If you know that one sorry can make things better or make someone smile then just say it. Don't think that whose mistake was this but say it. You will feel better and your life will be a happy one. If your sorry can save a few relations and few smiles than in my opinion you are the most successful person.
I am 23 now. In these few years of my life i have tried my best to not to hurt anyone. But somewhere down the line I have ended up hurting them. May be the reason was some misunderstanding sometime. May be the reason was sometimes I lied to them for some good. May be there was some good or bad reasons. But reason never matters. What matters is the result. And the truth is they were hurt with my behavior or my doings. So, to every one who were the part of my life someday, who are the part of my life and to the one who will come in my life some day, to all of them I want to say sorry.Please forgive me for all my mistakes which i have done and which is going to occur in future.
If you feels that you have done some mistake or you can make things better, just call to say sorry. Spread some smiles.
                                "माफ़ी मांगने से अगर कोई बड़ा या छोटा हो जाता,
                                 माफ़ी मांगने से कोई अगर कोई अमीर या गरीब होता,
                                तो आज यूँ होता जमाने में, माफ़ी न मांगने वालों,
                                तू ऊपर बैठा खुदा होता और मैं आज भी फ़कीर होता."

Valentines and My Heart Broke Again

I couldn't sleep whole night. I was waiting for a beautiful morning to arrive. The morning for which the whole world was waiting. The morning of Love. The morning of Valentines.
I was very excited. I was going to share my feelings with the one I loved. I spent all night in eyes to meet him. It was hard to wait now. I was standing there under the beautiful moon. I didn't care coldness or the Rain. I didn't care that the dew will make me wet. The excitement to meet him never let me think about anything else.
Finally it arrived. The beautiful morning. I was still feeling fresh, just like the beautiful morning. The whole environment was singing the song of love. Everyone was dancing on the tune of love. And so was I. He must be arriving, I thought. I was unable to control my excitement. My legs were dancing like never before. I was feeling to fly. Some moments more and I will be in his arms, I thought. Kissing, Hugging and making love. It was going to be the best day of my life.
I saw him. He was almost flying to me. I too wanted to run to him but my excitement couldn't let me move my legs. I kept watching him. I was trying to hold my excitement. He stopped in front of me. Our eyes met again. I could see the love in his eyes for me. I was feeling overwhelmed. I couldn't stop my arms to strech for him. I wanted to welcome him with a hug.
But it couldn't happen. I couldn't even touch him. Another unknown hand came from nowhere and dragged me with him. He was taking me far away from my love. I begged. I shouted. And I cried. I wanted help. But no one could understand my pain. No one turned to help me. I was forced to move with the enemy of my love.
My love was no more visible. I was tired of crying and shouting. I turned to the one who was the responsible for my situation. He was looking very happy, just like I was excited some moments ago. He was looking at me and smiling. I forgot my pain when I saw his smile. A smile ran over my dry lips. At least I could make someone happy. My sacrifice was not a waste. He was happy because he could get me. This thought was enough to fill my body with energy. I was happy again. I was feeling proud that he was holding my hand. I was feeling secured in his safe hands.
I was still looking in his beautiful eyes when he came down on his knees. He didn't left my hand and dragged me just in front of him. His head was bending and eyes were on earth. Oh My god! Was he going to propose me? Excitement ran over my face again. I won't mind accepting his proposal, I thought.
                                        "I Love You. I Love You Very Very Much."
And he said it. The three magical words. My face was going red. I looked up in the sky and thanked the god for such a beautiful moment. I was just about to say a "yes" to my admirer when another hand almost snatched my hand from him. I turned my head back. There was she, a pretty beautiful girl in front of me. Soon their lips were kissing each other. My heart broke again. I wanted to run away but was forced to stop there. The girl was still holding my hand. I put my head on his shoulder and cried again. Cried for my heart and shouted to god. I almost cursed the boy and the god too. I was forced to sacrifice once again.
Somehow I managed to control myself. We were walking on the street. Me, the boy and the girl. I had to put a smile on my lips and the reason was they both were happy at the moment.
Suddenly I felt some pain in my body. I felt like my body is getting torn. I looked up. Her cruel fingers were tearing my body into parts. Each and every part was falling here and there. Her fingers were wet with my blood but still she was liking it. I was shouting again but she didn't stop. She kept tearing me. I had to give up finally. I stopped shouting. Why God? I looked up in the sky. Why every time I had to pay? I sacrificed and you this is the what I got in return? But god was not answering like everytime.
Sometimes they break me in various parts. Sometimes I find myself in the dustbin at the end of the day. and sometime they crash me under their boot. Is this what I am destined to. Growing up between the thorns and ending my life this way. I always tried to make them happy. I always spread happiness. And this is what I get. Every thing was silent and the last part of my body was sliding from her fingers.

Letter on valentines...To the special one

Well...! Today is valentines day. So first of all wish you all a very happy valentines day. Hope you all will enjoy this day. Its the day for everyone who knows the real meaning of love. And now, as it is a special day for which we want to spend with someone special, so despite being single I am writing this letter to my one and only valentine. Hope she will read it some day. You all too must write or say something special to your valentine today. If you love someone than don't hesitate just tell her. But as I am a little bad at telling, I will write it for my valentine.

"Hi my dear special one. I am sorry. I am sorry that I still couldn't find a way to reach you with my words. Hope you will forgive me for that. Anyway, Happy valentines day to you. I don't have roses or any other gift for you at the moment, but I have a lots of love inside my heart for you. I know you are not right here in front of me to hear my words but as people say that there is no need to say something if two heart are connected. Those two heart in touch always understand the unsaid words. May be your heart is not connected with mine but still I don't feel that I should speak to let you hear these words. I know that some day you will surely hear this.  And that will be our day for sure.
You know what, you are not the most beautiful lady on earth anyway but still no one could attract me after I saw you. I haven't yet heard your voice but still I can recognize it in the noise too. Though we haven't met once but still I can say that I trust you. And its all because I trust the word love. I trust myself and my feelings for you. Your smile doesn't make me crazy anyway but when ever you smile, no matter how much I am stressed, I feel relaxed. Your one look is enough to vanish all the stress from my mind and get one fresh smile on my face.
I won't say that I can't live without you coz  I am living without you from last few decades. But yes, my life will be better if you enter it some day. And I will try to make you happy forever. I won't be able to promise that I will fill all your life with happiness but yes, I can promise you that I won't leave you in any situation. Every enemy of yours will have to face me first.
Each and every word may look like bullshit  sometime, but this is truth just like my existence is truth and my heartbeats are truth.
Don't worry. I won't propose you until you will discover the same faith on me which i have in you. By the time you enjoy your day and life. Keep smiling.
Yes, misunderstanding happens everywhere like you have some about me. But misunderstanding can't lead our life. We have to take over it anyway. And I know it will happen some day. Where ever you are, you will come my way soon. That's my faith on you.
At last, my love for you will never change in any situation. Thanks. Missing you in my life. Love."

Well guys, it was all private talk. wish you a very Happy valentines again.

Lost... Refound

Its been already two and a half year we got apart from each other. They both were lucky to be in the same city and so were we, but our group was no longer at one place. Group of seven people got divided into 5 subgroups which no one liked. Two people each in Delhi and Kolkata, one each in Assam, Allahabad, and vellore. No one wanted to do this but destiny used to be rude most of the time and this time we were on the target of the 'Destiny'.
Anyway, everyone got busy with their new roles, and so was I. We all had to compromise with the situation but it was never easy to do so. I always felt like a parrot in a cage who have wings but can't fly, and they must have felt the same. Especially when I saw three or more friends gossiping around or having fun together. Any friend group in the park, on the road or in the metros always dragged me in our sweet memories of past. Sometimes I felt jealous of those groups who were still together. It made me sad sometimes and sometimes I smiled after viewing such groups because I too had one wonderful group. But the word 'Had' hurt me most. The distances never let my smile keep going.
It was not like our group was broken. We were still together but far from each other. Thanks to telecommunication and social media that we were in constant touch.  It was not like we never met in last few years. We did meet but never was the whole group together. Every time two of the friends got together we discussed our past, we missed our past and our other friends too. We wished every time that we could get together again some day and never could get apart this time.
And now almost after 30 months, somewhat of our wishes are coming true. All thanks to the wonderful application 'Whatsapp' that we are again together from last three days. Believe me, we are enjoying this like never before. Gossiping, flirting, loving and fighting... everything is going here. Again the smiles on every lips are back. But this is not enough. I want these smiles to get broader forever. I want all of us at one place again. I don't know when my this dream will come true, but I am sure that it will happen some day and that will be the most special day of our life.
Fingers crossed.... praying to god.....!

सपने में सही, पर बात हुई.

मैं: तुम. तुम क्यूँ आई हो फिर? क्यूँ मुझे चैन से नहीं रहने देती हो?

वो: मैं? मैं तुम्हे चैन से रहने देती? और मैं आई हू? अरे! तुमने ही तो बुलाया है मुझे.

मैं: क्या? मैंने कब बुलाया तुम्हें? मैं...मैं टी तुम्हें...

वो: क्या मैं तो तुम्हें? हरवक्त सोचते मेरे बारे में हो. याद मुझे करते हो. लिखते मुझे हो और आज आई हू तो कहते हो के क्यूँ आई हू? तुम मत सोचा करो तो मैं नै आया करुँगी अब से.

मैं: वो.. वो तो मैं... तुमसे दूर जाने की कोशिश करता रहता हूँ.

वो: नहीं जा सकते हो तुम मुझसे दूर, चाहे जितनी भी कोशिश कर लो. आओगे तुम मेरे ही पास लौटकर.

मैं: क्यूँ आऊँ मैं तुम्हारे पास भला?

वो: वो तो तुम्हीं जानते हो बेहतर. मुझे क्या पूछ रहे हो.

मैं: नहीं आऊंगा तुम्हारे पास कभी भी. तुम तो मुझे एक नज़र देखती तक नहीं तो क्यूँ आऊँ मैं. जब तुझे मैं अच्छा ही नहीं लगता तो क्यों परेशान करू मैं तुझे. जब भी देखती हो मुझे नज़र अंदाज़ कर देती हो तो क्या मुझे खुद को तकलीफ देने का शौक चढा है जो बार बार तुम्हारी तरफ आऊँ ये जानते हुए के दिल मेरा ही टूटेगा फिर.

वो: किसने कहा के तुम मुझे पसंद नहीं हो? और एक मिनट, मैंने कब तुम्हारा दिल तोडा? कब तकलीफ दी तुम्हें मैंने?

मैं: हर बार दी. जब तुम देखकर भी मुझे नहीं देखती. जब तुम समझकर भी नहीं समझती. जब भी मुस्कुरा के किसी से बात करती हो, चाहे वो फोन पर या फिर किसी और तरीके से...

वो: वो तो बस ऐसे ही. मज़ा आता है तुम्हें परेशां करने में.

मैं: ये बात है? तो मैं तुमसे बात ही नहीं करूँगा अब.

वो: ठीक है. तो मैं जाती हूँ.

मैं: सच्ची?

वो: मुच्ची.

मैं: पहलीं बार आई हो, बैठोगी नहीं थोरी देर भी मेरे पास?

वो: क्यूँ बैठू? जब तुझे मुझसे बात ही नहीं करनी.

मैं: किसने कहा के मैं तुमसे बात नै करना चाहता.

वो: अभी तो तुमने कहा.

मैं: वो तो बस ऐसे ही कह दिया. मजाक में. कब से तुम्हारा इन्तजार कर रहा हू और तुम्ही से बात नहीं करूँगा? तुम्हें क्या पता मैं कितना खुश हू आज, कितना सुकून मुइल रहा है तुमसे बात करके. काश तुम और पहले आती!

वो:अब तुम इतने कह रहे हो तो ठीक है. मैं थोरा बैठ ही जाती हू. अब खुश?

मैं: Thank you. तुम बहुत अच्छी हो. अच्छा पहले क्यूँ नहीं आई तुम?

वो: बस ऐसे ही. इन्तेज़ार कर रही थी तुम्हारा. लेकिन तुम तो पास आने से भी घबराते हो सो मैं खुद ही चली आई.

मैं: अच्छा किया. बस यूँही मुझसे मिलने आती रहो. और यूँही मुझसे बात करती रहो. मुझे अच्छा लगेगा.

वो: और अगर मैं नहीं आई तो?

मैं: तो क्या? मैं आ जाऊँगा और तुम अगर नहीं मिली तो यूँही तुम्हारा इंतज़ार करूँगा जैसे की अब तक कर रहा था.

वो: पूरे बुद्धू हो तुम. मैं आउंगी बाबा... अब मैं जा रही हू अभी के लिए.

मैं: जा रही हो?

वो: हाँ. लेकिन वापिस आने के लिए.

मैं: मैं इन्तेज़ार करूँगा.

वो: मैं भी.

 

Just a Conversation

Munnu: You know what? I will meet her at least once.

Meena: And when this historic incident will occur?

Munnu: I don't know.

Meena: But I know. No doubt you will talk to her but only after she will get married, and just to say "Happy married life".

Munnu: No yaar. I want to convey my feelings. I want to tell her that I love her and that's why I will meet her.

Meena: Oh Really! I don't think so. From last six years you are in love with her. In last six years you have decided numerous times to take your heart out. But that day never came up. You never could get the courage to do so. And here you are, deciding again, and I know the result again like last times.

Munnu: What you know?

Meena: The fact that you don't have guts to do propose her.

Munnu: No yar, It's not about the guts. It was never about the guts.

Meena: Then? What was this?

Munnu: It was about a 'NO'. I was afraid of a No from her side.

Meena: And this time you are not? This time you are sure that it will be a "YES".

Munnu: Not like that. My thoughts have changed about my feelings now. I don't think about  a Yes or a No now.

Meena: Really? Then what you think? Tamboora???

Munnu: Actually I was a fool like everyone that I was expecting an answer of the three magical words and that too from multiple choices. These words are never can be a question and never can rely on a Yes or a No. These three words describes your feelings and feelings never can be a question. As far as getting her is concern then I would say that if you love someone it doesn't mean she must also love her. And if she doesn't love you than you curb your feelings. One "NO" can never change the destiny of my feelings. If I claim that I love her that means I will never stop loving her in any condition. And this time I just want to say her that she is special for me.

Meena: Wao Mr. Philosopher! But doesn't your philosophy advice you to try to make her love you?

Munnu: Well... Trying to convince her is not my part. I can only try to keep loving her. Love is a pure feeling not any object for that we have to convince any one.

Meena: No matter someone else take your love away from you?

Munnu: Oh dear! I said, love is not any object. Someone can get that girl but not my love. My love is just here in my heart and no one can take it away from me . So relax.

Meena: Talking to you is just a waste of time. I can't change you.

Munnu: Thanks. I don't want to change babe.

Fake NGO

It was almost four o'clock in the afternoon. We just had left Asansol junction when three ladies entered our compartment. This is the incident of 29th January and I was returning from my Delhi trip. The train was already three hours late but still we were relaxed that we will reach by 7 in the evening.
Anyway, those ladies were collecting donations from passengers and we guessed that they were from some NGO. Soon one lady was in front of us, explaining the reason for her visit. According to her, they were collecting donation for the NGO which works for the patients of thalassemia and they have over fifty children of this category. They arranges medicines and accommodation for those patients until they recover from the disease. Anyway, after her explanation we all passengers donated some amounts to her and collected the receipt.
One of our co passengers who was silent by the time suddenly asked her name and she wrote it on the slip. that person was still not convinced. He took out his phone and dialed the number which was present on the slip given by one of the NGO worker. Unexpectedly, it was saying, "The number you dialed is not valid". He dialed it again and this time his phone was on speaker. Again the same result. It was a total scam in the name of a fake NGO. My co passengers ran to catch those ladies in the other compartments. I too followed them.
The ladies saw us and we I could see stress on their faces. Our leader asked her about the fake phone number and she started giving excuses. She gave another number to talk. we dialed but from the other end what we heard was enough to prove that they were spammers. They said, "We don't have any patient here. we don't provide accommodation to any of them. Yes sometimes some people come for help and we do help them." The phone was on speaker and the so called NGO workers were caught red handed. Everything was false and fake. Some advised to inform the police and some to teach them a lesson. As they were all ladies we came to a conclusion that we must let them go this time after getting our money back.
Today, after almost 5 days I feel that we did a mistake. We must have complaint against them to police. Just because of some fake people people hesitates to help some good people too. We must wake up now and take action against every bad person and every enemy of society. This way only we can make our society better.