Rest in peace Rupa.

She was sweet. She was beautiful. She was of good nature. She knew how to keep others happy. She never hurt anyone in short span of her life. She was a sister like to me as she was the friend of my younger sister, just a class senior to me. A good student of her class. And as sweet was her name. Rupa.
I woke up today and did what I do on the regular days. I was lucky enough to have a glimpse of the special person not so early in the morning. I was feeling the emptiness in my life like always with the thought of one and only when I decided to call home. Soon it was ringing on the other side. Mom picked up the call after few rings. Something was terribly wrong with her I felt. She was almost crying. I asked but words were not seeming like to come out of her mouth. My dad took the phone over and my niece tried to calm her. I asked dad about the reason. He said and I was shocked. Not a word came out of my mouth too. I forgot to react. Suddenly I went more sad and at the same time full of anger.
A sweet and cute face flashed in front of my eyes. She was no more in this world. Rupa is no more with us. Some monsters killed her last night and threw the dead body somewhere in the pond. Why? How can someone do this to such an innocent girl ? Everything is still unknown. Whatever the reason is, no reason can be big enough to kill any person. Her husband was involved in this, my dad said and I fumed almost. I know that bastard. I felt to go right away and teach a lesson to that bloody monster. (Sorry for the language friends but such people deserve to get abused, slapped and many more worst. They should be hanged till death.)
They were just married couple. Last year, june 17 they got married to each other. Theirs was a love marriage which was arranged by both the families. When I heard about it, I told my sister that boy is not good enough to get married to a girl like Rupa. The problem with these good sweet girls is, they get trapped very soon in the words of bad guys and good guys never can get attention of these girls. Anyway, they were married before I could do anything. Still I was not expecting this to happen.
I called my sister. She was at Rupa's place, all in tears. The dead body is now with the police and the murderer is in police custody. No matter what is gonna happen with that monster, nothing can get the girl back. They can't get the daughter back to the crying parents.

It's hurting. Whatever us happening with girls is all shamefull. Sometimes they kill the baby girl before the birth. Sometimes they kill them because of dowry. Sometimes they rape and kill. And sometimes for many other reasons. In the country where we worship goddess, we are doing these shamefull too. I wish, I could prevent these all. I wish I could save them all. But the world is too big to be seen by my eyes.
Sometimes I think that my imaginary world is far better than the real but fake world. At least I can not let anything bad happen to anyone in my world. I wish this world will be a better place to live in near future.
R.I.P Rupa. I wish! you could be with us forever.

Miss you dear friend.

Missing you dear friend. Missing you too badly. I can't tell you how I am feeling from last few days. I can't show you how much pain is inside. I just can't coz you don't wanna understand it.
You may not be feeling the way I feel. You may not be ready for this but the fact is 'I Love you more than anything else in the world'. I don't say that I can't live without you but there is no meaning of life without you. I have jusr became a meaningless person. And you are the reason dear friend. You have made me to live without the heartbeats. You have forced me to live with corbon-di-oxide. And I cant even blame you.
I may be looking happy to you. May be you are seeing smile on my face. May be you are thinking or forced to think that I am fake. But the fact is, I am crying inside. I want to shout. Shout at the world. Shout at the Almighty God. But cant do that. I am smiling but everytime I smile, the pain increases to another level. You cant see it. I am not fake dear friend. Every bit of my feelings are as true as the air around. My love is as true as the presence of sun. My emotions are as pure as mother Ganga. You cant understand it. You dont have eyes to see it. Even if you will try, I know that the people around you will not let you do that.
I am aware of my mistakes. Few of them I can correct but few I cant. U wish, I have the time matchine to go into 2009 and correct it. Its impossible. And I am paying for that mistake now.
You asked me for something when we last communicated. You could have asked for my life. It was easier to give than to not to see you any more. Its killing me like a sweet poison. Though I never expected anything from you, but still it hurts now. You were never with me but still I was happy with you in my thoughts. Now I am all alone without any one around who can understand me.
I know that it was not your decision. I know that still something is there at least. I trust you. Whatever I have observed from last few years can not be fake. I have faith in myself. Your every look, innocent and cute cant be fake. I remember everything. Everytime we crossed and you reacted a little. Those reactions can not be fake. But You cant accept it. You dont wanna accept it. The people around you will not allow you to accept it. Your ego is bigger than anything else. And I dont have an option to change it.
I wish I could change it. I wish you could understand me. I wish you will come by my side. But My wishes never come true. Despite your reactions. Despite broken me. The fact is I am missing you. The fact is I cant stop loving you. And I will wait for you knowing the fact that you will never come.

Please forgive me...I can't stop Loving U.

I am alone.. at home thinking about what to cook. I am getting confused. Anyway, the point is, I am alone, yet not alone. I have someone in my mind, in my eyes and in my heart with whom I am sharing my loneliness. No matter how far she is, she never leaves me alone. She smiles in my eyes. She talks in my ears. She litsens to my lips. She gets angry in my thoughts and cools down with my breathe. And she feels it inside my heart. Running in throughout my body with the bloods. How can I be alone.
Anyway, a lot happened with me in last few weeks. Yes, finally something happened. And still nothing happened if you see it. But my eyes says, "I saw it". My heart says,"I am feeling the essence of it". She celebrated her birthday and I was all alone again on such a special day. Of course she was there in my thoughts. I wished for her and as usual, my wishes never comes true, as yet. And yet, knowing this fact, I am wishing for her to be by my side. Such a fool I am. But you know what, at some places, its better to be a fool.
During this period of few weeks. I met her numerous times. I came across her a few times. I told her a lot of things. Don't expect me to share it here whatever I said to her. It was just for her. Anyway, I realized that, the talks of heart can never end. No matter how much you express your feelings by words or without it, it all looks as little as few at the end of the day. You feel that you have still a lot to say. You have still a lot to express. I am feeling it. However, only god knows if I will get another chance. Another chance to say something, to letsen, to take care, to hide her from the world. I am still wishing for it.
I told her that few colors gets better while on her, she stopped thinking about those poor colors. I said that ecery living or non living smiles with her, she stopped smiling for us. I said she is the moon and she made the days and nights both dark for us. I wish, I could have kept it in my heart itself then at least we could desire for my moon from a distance. Tell you the secret, my moon is more beauty than any other moon in the world. Shhhh.....!!
She said she want to know me but didn't gave me a chance to let know about me. Now, its a different story altogether. I dont know where it is heading. I dont know what is going on with her. I dont know what she thinks about me. I know only thing that what I feel for her is not going to change anyway. She is the first one and last one for me. She is the most special person in my life and will remain so. I have been waiting for her from last few years and this wait will go untill the last hitch of my throat. I wish.....!!
Just I want to say, "Please forgive me... I can't stop Loving you."
Anyway, now I know what to cook and I am going to prepare for my food. Will be back soon with few short stories and poems. Thanks

Whom should I cheat? Myself or the others ?

It was a tough situation for me. I was not getting a clear thought about what I want. Should I listen to my heart or my mind was right? It was a tough call deciding.
I was stuck between my mind and my heart. If I follow my heart, I will end up Cheating on Aayush. And if I listen to my mind, I will clearly cheat myself. Deciding was getting tougher and tougher as time was passing.
I remember the day when Aayush proposed me. I just had entered the college. A new energy was building up in me. First time I was in such an energetic environment. However, no one talked about studies there like school. Every one was busy in making friends and relationship. And honestly speaking, I was quite liking it. Still I was trying to understand the tough words like boyfriends, girlfriends and relationship when Aayush proposed me in front of every one in my college. I didn't know him much but his cuteness and the way he proposed me excited me. And I ended up saying a 'yes' then and there.
Aayush is not a bad guy to be with. And I was really enjoying my first ever love relationship. But the fact was, I never loved him. I never felt something special for him. Yes, I get super excited when getting his call or sms but this can't be love.
Then I saw another person. He is not so handsome but he is the one for whom I started feeling. I don't know what he is and how better he is than Aayush but I know that I love him. This fact is again as tough to digest as a walking qutubminar. I never accepted it. But the fact is fact and I started ignoring the person whom I love. I carried my relationship with Aayush. I didn't want to cheat him anyway. I was being a loyal companion for him. However, I know that this is not the way things should go. I know that trapped in the word 'Loyality' I was cheating myself more than him. I was cheating on Aayush by not being with him completely. And I am cheating myself for being unfair with my heart.
Its enough now. I don't want to be in such situation for more. I want to listen to my heart. I also know the fact that the one whom I love, loves me too. And after one year of this tough situation, I have known both the guys better.
However, I am still stuck between Loyality and Love. What should I choose, my heart or my mind. Anyway, I am going to hurt at least one heart. Now it a big question that which one should I hurt, Aayush' or Mine...?
Still the Question is same. Whom should I cheat..? Myself or the others...??