My crushlist.

I have been crushed out few times. I mean I have also a few names under my crush list like everyone. I was not a ‘jerk’ but still I was a jerk. Though now I am not. I am not a jerk at all now. And the reason is my heart. There is only one name residing in from last few years. There is only one face I desire to look at every time. There is only one girl with whom I want to spend my rest of the life. And the worst part or may be the best part is, she is still away from me. it’s a different story, will tell you some other time.

Anyway, coming to my crush list, my first was when I was in fifth standard. She was as beautiful and sweet as her name. She was older than me I guess. I can’t be sure coz I never asked about her age. We should never ask about their age, and I was very much not aware of the fact. Soon I left the school and she just couldn’t come into my life. She couldn’t turn into a lover from the crush.

My next crush was in 8^th standard and then in 10^th standard. Like many of you, in 8^th she was my class teacher and in 10^th she was my senior. I was the favorite student of the teacher. I used to solve every sum for the class and she used to just relax in her chair. And the later one, my senior was just a hi and hello girl. One day my senior got committed with one of her senior and I stopped looking at her.

All the four of my crushes seemed to take away my heart in her first look. Either it was my 5^th grade or my first year. But no one was able to take my heart away actually. Finally the fifth girl came into my life and did the tough task. My heart is no more with me from last few years. She took it away. She made me feel lonely. She made me cry. I am missing her. And yes, I didn’t feel for her when I saw her first. She was just another kid. But that kid did the kidding part. And rest is the future.

Again coming to the crush list and this is about my fourth crush. She was my longest crush. Almost one and a half year long crush. As it was just a crush, It had to vanish. Slowly and steadily I lost every crushing interest that beautiful lady.

One beautiful evening, after I lost every interest in the longest crush, I was having a routine walk in the streets of Jaipur. There was a park near by and I walked into it. As it was already a half and hour walk, I preferred to sit on the bench in one of the corner.

I was still wondering in my thoughts when a skinny, not so tall boy walked to me. He had some bad intentions in his eyes. May be wanted to kill me. Or, may be he wanted to beat me up.

“Yes.” I said with my evergreen smile.

“Are you Raj?” he asked in fuming tone.

“Yes, do you have any problem?” I was confused but calm.

“Yes, I have problem.”

“Oh! Should I change my name? Okay no probs. Suggest me some name and I will choose one of them.” I joked out of habit. And surely he didn’t like it.

“You bloody, I am not here to have fun with you.” He was crossing the line. I felt to slap him on his face. But I controlled my urge. Coz I knew that my one tight slap can let him kiss the ground. Though I have never been a muscle man but still, I knew my strength.

“Then? Then why are you here? Excuse me! Do I know you in the first place?” I tried to be serious for the first time.

  “I am here to warn you. Don’t dare to look at Gracy again or I will kill you.” He tried to threaten me.

Oh! That means, he was the well wisher of my longest crush. But how does he know me? Gracy must have told him. But why now? Doesn’t she liking that I am not taking interest in her. I don’t even give a crap for her.

“Wow angry young man! I am scared! Thank you for giving me one more chance.” I tried to act once more. Believe me, I am a very good actor. “By the way, who are you? Her brother?” I asked again.

“No. She is my girlfriend. And it will be better for you to maintain a distance from her.” he said. I felt to laugh out loud. He was the boyfriend? Duffer he was. Anyway, more fun was ahead. It was my turn to play with him.

“Hey Mr. Boyfriend. Cool down and sit here.” I said in my usual cool tone.

“I am cool, that’s why I am alone here. Otherwise I could have come with my friends and beaten you up.” It was height of my patience I was listening his craps. He could have went red faced otherwise.

“Relax buddy, sit here. Thanks that you came alone. This way you saved yourself and your friends too. “ I put my hand on his shoulder and said. “You know what, may be I am a supporter of non violence but I don’t think its same with my friends and well wishers. If something happens to me than you don’t know what they can do to you. So you better relax.”

He didn’t answer.

“As far as Gracy is concerned, then if you trust her, if you love her and she loves you, than you don’t have to worry. I never troubled her. But at the same time, you can’t change my feelings. If I love her then I love her. You can’t do anything. Just trust your relationship and take care of her.” I lied the last part. Coz I never loved her.

 I could have broken their relationship. I could have told him each and everything, and I knew that it was enough to break their relationship. But never believe in breaking the relationships. I believe in making it.

We talked for next half an hour. About his life and his ambitions. As a senior, I suggested him many things which was better for his life.

“AS we are friends now, can’t you forget her for your friend.” He requested. A smile ran over my face.

That was the day and this is the day after four years. No new crush in my life. may god bless all my crushes.