Our story.

Yesterday was a very special day for me. It was the birthday of a very special person in my life. Though, we haven't met yet but still she is everything for me. It was the more special day for me than her, I guess. I spent the day only thinking about her. And my bad luck, I only could get only a one second long glimpse of her. She was looking too beaitiful in her pink top. She must not have noticed me but I noticed only her, the whole day. The so special day went without her again. I spent the whole day alone. I didn't like it. I thought to go and waste my six hours watching a useless movie, but the hope to get another glimpse of hers couldn't let me move from my place.
I had planned something for her. I wanted to send some flowers to her place as a bday wishing. However, I changed my plan because of my thoughts. I will never want her to face any problem because of me. And my present could have created a problem for her I guess.
How could I end up not wishing her. So I thought to call her and wish her. I don't know why I preferred to text her instead of calling at exactly 12 at night. I sent two texts and not any one got delivered unfortunately. And I did it again. Surely it reached her this time. And she replied too, with a thanks and a question. The question I always feared to answer. I didn't answer exactly what I should have. I was afraid. I am afraid. I am afraid to loose her, though, I never got her in my life. She was always far from me. I was just any other person to her may be. However, the fact is, she is everything to me. She still don't know that I wished her, I guess.
Today, its again the same old day, with my pen, paper and my thoughts. Of course she is there in my thoughts. However, I haven't written anything from morning. Not even a line. I am feeling lost. I am feeling restless. I want to talk to her. I want to see her. And its difficult in the circumstances. I just can hope for the better things to happen. I can't say that I can't live without her, of course I am living without her but, life will be more meaning ful with her. Life will be more happy with her.
There's more things going into my mind which I can't share with anyone, as there is no one to share. And this is the best place where I can write my heart out. And I know that she won't read it for sure. Safest place to say something where I know that no she is not listening.
I am thinking about my future, our future. And as a writer, I can sense what is going to happen. I can see the future. only two possibilities are their. Either this story will not turn out, or it will be a story with a lots of twists and turn which can be a bestseller. I want it to be simple. I want to have a love story where only happiness is there. I want to make it cute. I don't want to write our own story. I don't want  a villain in our life. I don't want our story to be a sad one. Hope she will understand me and my love and our cute upcoming story.

दहाड़ता हुआ सा 2

आज का दिन बड़ा ही खास है, क्यूंकि आज किसी खास का जन्मदिन है. मेरी तरफ से उसे बहुत सारी सुभकामनाये. और मैं चाहूँगा के आप सब भी उसके लिए दुआ करें. वो हमेशा हँसता  और मुस्कुराता रहे. चंद शेर उसके नाम समर्पित करता हूँ मैं आज फिर. यूँ तो मेरे सारे शब्द ही उसकी अमानत हैं. पर कभी कभी गुस्ताखी करने का दिल कर जाता है.



सुबह के नज़ारे से तुम्हें मांगते हैं,
शाम के धुंधलके से तुम्हें मांगते हैं,
चाँद की तपिश भी ठंडी पर जाती जब,
इसके उजालों से तुम्हें मांगते हैं//

चाँद को गुरूर अपनी चांदनी पे है,
मुझको यकीं तेरी रौशनी पे है,
बादलों में छुप गया न जाने वो कहाँ,
यूँ जाला वो चाँद तेरी रौशनी से है//

कुछ यूँ समेत लेती हो लहराती जुल्फों को,
सारे बिखरे बादल जैसे छुप से जाते हैं तेरी गेशुओं में//

तुझे ये मलाल के हम तुझे याद नहीं करते,
हमें ये सुकून के हम तो जीते तुम्हें देखकर हैं//

तुम पूछती हो मुझसे मेरी पहचान क्या हैं,
और मैं खुद को तेरी नज़रों में ढूंढता हू आज भी//

निकली हो पल्लव सी, कलियों सी खिलती हो,
इठलाती, बलखाती, इतराती, और महकाती//

चंद फूलों से क्या तेरा श्रींगार करूं मैं,
तू तो खुद गुलाब सी कोमल और सुन्दर हो//

के आज मेरा दिन है, तुझसे भी ज्यादा,
के आज मैं तुझे जी भर के निहारूंगा//
(Dedicated to the birthday girl)
kundan vidyarthy.

My marriage: A rumour.

Funny things keep happening with me always. And I enjoy it always, no matter it's in my favor or not. Most of the time it opposes me. However it is the part and parcel of the game and I don't complain it.
Anyway, it is about the latest funny incident. Believe me, its really funny. Few days ago an old man approached my home. I was not present there then. He introduced himself as a father while he looked like a grandfather. Now the joke starts. He was a father of a daughter and he was on a visit to my place for a 'Rishta'. When he said the related words, my father was in a funny sock. And other members of the family were hardly controlling their laughter. I couldn't have controlled if present though. The old man wanted to arrange my wedding to his daughter. And he wanted to see me.
"How do you know my son?" my father asked him. And the old man took a name which was hard to believe. Anyway the conversation went on like this.
"Okay, my son is actually not in the town. So tell me what do you want to know about him."
"There is nothing to ask as the relation is suggested by Raman babu. I just wanted to see your son and finalise everything." what a confident person he was.
"But I have something to tell you. Everything should get clear before we go ahead with it."
He looked with a bit confused eyes.
"My son does nothing. And he doesn't have a plan to do something meaning ful in near future. Apart, he is a wasted poet and an author too...." And he kept on counting the bad points about me to avoid this situation. The old man had the look of wonder in his eyes.
"But we heard that your son is in government service as told by Raman babu."
"Sorry, you have mis heard it." My dad said.
"No problem, we can wait for him. We are in no hurry." what he was? He wanted to tie his daughter to an unemployed person?
"Look Shyam babu, I don't want to hurt you but the fact is, we can't decide anything about my son. He has strictly asked me to not to look for anyone. And last, he is not yet matured to get married. So, you can look for a better groom around." Finally he went. And my sister called me to tell this. I couldn't stop my laughter. Nor she could. I mean, I am still only 23 and they want me to get married. And get married to a girl whom I don't even know. Strange it is.
And by the way, I don't believe in arranged marriages in todays world. It doesn't have any meaning. May be only I think this way, but love come arrange is the best possible option available.
"Aur Waise v, main shayar hu aur shayar arrange marriages to nai karte hain. Hum shayar to mohabbat karte hain. Main alag nahi hu."

My 4th book

After writing the stories of Diya- shashank, shweta- karan and confused Jay, I too got confused a little. Though, I have never been in a love relationship, I tried my best to do justice with the characters of all the three books. May be I was successful o may be I failed, this is upto my publishers and my readers to decide.
Though, I have still few interesting love stories in my mind which I would love to write, still I was confused about my fourth book. Stress of not getting published was killing my patience. And I wasted a few months after completing my third book. During these time I was just getting rejected from various publishers for my second book. Though a publisher already have selected my first book, but its taking time. Only god knows when they will publish my book. May be I need a lady luck. And she is still away from me.
After writing three love stories, I wanted to do some experiment with my imagination and my writing. I wanted to write a non love story this time. And for this I was not getting a perfect plot. Then something happened. Something which forced me to think. This was it. Though I didn't had the full plot but I got the initials. I got the story of my fourth book.
First three books I wrote from a boys point of view. I didn't face much difficulty there, writing for another boy, no matter it was shashank or karan or Jay. However, this time it Was going to be difficult as the lead character I was thinking if was a fourteen years old girl. And writing for a girl lead was going to be tough but surely its going to make me strong as a writer.
Ans soon I started penning down this character kaavya, a girl in her teenage. She is a different type of girl. Not so lucky and not so happy as she thinks. She make some friends and try to smile with them. However, by the end of her fourteenth year, she does a terrible mistake. And after that her life goes hell. This story will reaveal the truths of her life after the mistake. What a teenage requires from parents, I have tried to state. What a teenage girl faces in her life in worst or best scenario, I am trying to write.
I dont know how much I will be successful, but I will try my best to do justice with the characters. I have completed almost 8000 words, but still a long way to go with kaavya. Wish me luck. And also you can suggest me anything u want. I need your support in my journey as kaavya or as any other character.

Incomplete talk

In past few days, I have been thinking about my personal and professional life. Both are quite unpredictable. And sometimes both are boring. Sometimes I think that I am the most bored person around and sometimes, I contradict myself. Just because i enjoy more in a situation in which i am. No other person can have a feel good smile in a situation where I am. This is me. I take everything as a challenge. I find fun from everything around and make myself a happy person. Sometimes everything around looks funny to me and may be others find a funny part of mine. 

Anyway, I was talking about past few days, isn't it? No, I guess about my personal and professional life, which keeps me waiting always. I am not complaining about both, but I know that some part of it is destiny and some part of it is what I am responsible for. 

My personal life could have been better  and struggle free but I chose happiness over money. I chose such a profession for myself in which only struggle is there. And I am struggling from last few years without any success. Though, I am confident of my success, I am waiting. Waiting for something good to happen in my life. Something to cheer about and party for. May be destiny wants me to wait some more. 

Let's not talk much about professional. I am not a professional kind of person. My profession is a very important part of my personal life. That's my passion. Other than my passion, a lot of things are there who is letting me wait. For which I am trying, may be not so hard, but without any success. Yes, I accept, it could have been a better try. 

First, I am fed up of my skinny look. I want to gain some wait these days and am trying for this too but not succeeding. Isn't it funny. You may not find anything funny in my look, but I do sometimes. 

My friends are a very important part of my life. And only here, I am lucky a little. I have got some very good friends, but they can not be with me always. They have their own life. 

So, ultimately, it comes to my life only. My empty life but not so empty heart. There is a sweet, beautiful angel in there. the one who is my inspiration. The one who is my passion. The one without whom I am incomplete. Yes, she is in my heart but still far away from life. Though, not so far away but at a considerable distance.

I am waiting for her. But this could have been different, I know. My mistakes are, I never tried. I know that hacking an account, calling blankly or writing poems about her is not going to work anyway. If I claim to love her, then I have to show up. But at the same time, I am dumb at showing up. I am dumb enough to propose her, may be because I am afraid. I am the last person who can impress her with his looks. I am worst when I talk to her. But this is me. I can't change. I can't change for anything. May be because, i don't want to change. May be because my not so perfect personality loves her and don't want to change this feeling for any mean. There may be many reasons but one fact is I love her. And I will keep waiting for her. 

I do wrong talks at wrong times. But I can't help it. If I am talking then I can't stop talking about her. My talks and My life is incomplete without that name. Sorry, I will not tell you that name. It's all private....;)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/I-Wish-life-gives-me-one-more-chance/528617000524006

दहाड़ता हुआ सा

कुछ शेर, जो आजकल मेरे अंदर उबलते हैं फिर शब्दों के रूप में बाहर आ जाते हैं. देखें कहाँ तक पहुचती है इसकी दहाड़........!!!

१ )   आवारों की बस्ती में फिरता रहा हूँ,
       तुझे याद अक्सर ही करता रहा हूँ,
       जाने कहाँ फिर दिखे तू मुझे, बस,
       ये उम्मीद लेके भटकता रहा हूँ///

२) लाल स्याही देख इसे खून न समझ लेना,
     हैं तो स्याही ही, लेकिन शब्द मेरे लहू से भींगे हैं//

३)   अच्छा हुआ के शीशा जानकार तोड़ दिया तुमने//
      अगर तुम ही नहीं तो ये दिल किस काम का//

४)   ना जाने भीड़ कैसी है, ना जाने होड कैसा है//
      मैं तो तन्हा ही फिसला था, मगर ये होड कैसा है//

५)   मेरी मोहब्बत का तुझे इल्म नहीं शायद//
      तेरा नाम पहले लेता हू और सांस बाद में//

६)   वो तो यूँही चोरी का इलज़ाम देते हैं मुझपर//
      चाहे तलाशी लेले, खुद के सिवा उन्हें कुछ नहीं मिलेगा//

७)   सब्र की बात भला पूछते हो तुम किस से//
      उम्र हमने भी काटी है उनकी राहों में//

८)   जिक्र जब भी मोहब्बत का आएगा//
      शायद तेरा नाम मेरे साथ ही लिया जाएगा//
      मेरा यूँ था के मैं जता भी ना सका//
      और तू खुद से भी छुपाती रह गयी//

९)   मुझे भूल जाना इतना आसान नहीं है ए सलमा//
       तू पलकें बंद करेगी, मैं खाबों में आ जाऊँगा//

१०)  मैं तो कबका छोड़ जाता ये सहर//
       बस डरता हू के तू मुझे और मैं तुझे भूल न जाऊं//  

११)   एक बार फिर से बेहेक जाने के लिए तो आ//
        मनाने के लिए ना सही, सताने के लिए तो आ//
        मुझे तो बस तेरे दीदार की ललक है//
        दिल में भले ही ना बसना तू, मगर दिल तोड़ जाने के लिए तो आ//
                                                                         कुंदन विद्यार्थी

ये  थे कुछ शेर, जो दहाड़ने की कोशिश कर रहे थे. अब दहाड़ कहा तक पहुचती है ये तो बाद की बात है.