Meesed up

My life have been a little messed up these days. I am busy, but still I do nothing whole day. A lot of things are going through my mind. What's wrong and what's right. I say I dont care for any such things or people but still, I cant stop caring for them or thinking about them.
Sorry, I am that messed that I don't even know what I am talking about. Lets start again.
I have been posting about my personnel life previously here just because this is the place where I can say my heart out without even caring what others think about it. No one reads it. Not even After I share my posts. And I don't share my personnel posts. So there is not any chance they will read it.
Right now my situation is like the moon. Not even like moon coz every one desires to have that glowing bulb up in the sky. You can say, its like sun. We all get everything from it but no one really wants it untill in a need. And no one cares about its loneliness.
Yes, I am alone like the sun. I have no one in life. Not even the person with whom I can cry it out. But, I am present for them whenever they need me. I am not complaining, nor am I regretting it. But this iz the fact and it hurt sometimes to be alone.
Right now I am friendless, funless, familyless and loveless. Less is everywhere in my life.
I have always been alone when it comes to relationship. Its not like I never loved, in fact I still love that girl very much but the fact is I have never been loved. May be because I am too good for them.
My friends are there but only when they need me otherwise I dont even exist. Still I dont complain. My family is away from me from last seven years. Right now I am too alone.
And as far as my career is concerned, its hanging. I am struggling and I don't know when this struggle will end. If it will end or not. The wait is killing me. And the patience is getting over now.
During last few days I have been pretending a lot. I have been pretending that I dont love her any more. It hurts now. Havent seen in a week now and I am crying inside. I am doing this because she doesng love me. She have some one else in her life and I am broke. But I dont want to let her know that I am broke. Even she doesnt care. Still I cant stop loving her. Its my fate to be alone I guess. The only thing is with me is my writing and my pain.
I need help. Please god, Help me. I am not so strong. I need a shoulder to cry on. Help me.  Please give me something to cheer about. Something to live for and smile for and work for. Are you listening godddd...?? Aren't you...? I am shouting for you...? Why dont you hear me if you exist...? You have to help me... !! Or I will assume that you dont exist...??