Rest in peace Rupa.

She was sweet. She was beautiful. She was of good nature. She knew how to keep others happy. She never hurt anyone in short span of her life. She was a sister like to me as she was the friend of my younger sister, just a class senior to me. A good student of her class. And as sweet was her name. Rupa.
I woke up today and did what I do on the regular days. I was lucky enough to have a glimpse of the special person not so early in the morning. I was feeling the emptiness in my life like always with the thought of one and only when I decided to call home. Soon it was ringing on the other side. Mom picked up the call after few rings. Something was terribly wrong with her I felt. She was almost crying. I asked but words were not seeming like to come out of her mouth. My dad took the phone over and my niece tried to calm her. I asked dad about the reason. He said and I was shocked. Not a word came out of my mouth too. I forgot to react. Suddenly I went more sad and at the same time full of anger.
A sweet and cute face flashed in front of my eyes. She was no more in this world. Rupa is no more with us. Some monsters killed her last night and threw the dead body somewhere in the pond. Why? How can someone do this to such an innocent girl ? Everything is still unknown. Whatever the reason is, no reason can be big enough to kill any person. Her husband was involved in this, my dad said and I fumed almost. I know that bastard. I felt to go right away and teach a lesson to that bloody monster. (Sorry for the language friends but such people deserve to get abused, slapped and many more worst. They should be hanged till death.)
They were just married couple. Last year, june 17 they got married to each other. Theirs was a love marriage which was arranged by both the families. When I heard about it, I told my sister that boy is not good enough to get married to a girl like Rupa. The problem with these good sweet girls is, they get trapped very soon in the words of bad guys and good guys never can get attention of these girls. Anyway, they were married before I could do anything. Still I was not expecting this to happen.
I called my sister. She was at Rupa's place, all in tears. The dead body is now with the police and the murderer is in police custody. No matter what is gonna happen with that monster, nothing can get the girl back. They can't get the daughter back to the crying parents.

It's hurting. Whatever us happening with girls is all shamefull. Sometimes they kill the baby girl before the birth. Sometimes they kill them because of dowry. Sometimes they rape and kill. And sometimes for many other reasons. In the country where we worship goddess, we are doing these shamefull too. I wish, I could prevent these all. I wish I could save them all. But the world is too big to be seen by my eyes.
Sometimes I think that my imaginary world is far better than the real but fake world. At least I can not let anything bad happen to anyone in my world. I wish this world will be a better place to live in near future.
R.I.P Rupa. I wish! you could be with us forever.

Please forgive me...I can't stop Loving U.

I am alone.. at home thinking about what to cook. I am getting confused. Anyway, the point is, I am alone, yet not alone. I have someone in my mind, in my eyes and in my heart with whom I am sharing my loneliness. No matter how far she is, she never leaves me alone. She smiles in my eyes. She talks in my ears. She litsens to my lips. She gets angry in my thoughts and cools down with my breathe. And she feels it inside my heart. Running in throughout my body with the bloods. How can I be alone.
Anyway, a lot happened with me in last few weeks. Yes, finally something happened. And still nothing happened if you see it. But my eyes says, "I saw it". My heart says,"I am feeling the essence of it". She celebrated her birthday and I was all alone again on such a special day. Of course she was there in my thoughts. I wished for her and as usual, my wishes never comes true, as yet. And yet, knowing this fact, I am wishing for her to be by my side. Such a fool I am. But you know what, at some places, its better to be a fool.
During this period of few weeks. I met her numerous times. I came across her a few times. I told her a lot of things. Don't expect me to share it here whatever I said to her. It was just for her. Anyway, I realized that, the talks of heart can never end. No matter how much you express your feelings by words or without it, it all looks as little as few at the end of the day. You feel that you have still a lot to say. You have still a lot to express. I am feeling it. However, only god knows if I will get another chance. Another chance to say something, to letsen, to take care, to hide her from the world. I am still wishing for it.
I told her that few colors gets better while on her, she stopped thinking about those poor colors. I said that ecery living or non living smiles with her, she stopped smiling for us. I said she is the moon and she made the days and nights both dark for us. I wish, I could have kept it in my heart itself then at least we could desire for my moon from a distance. Tell you the secret, my moon is more beauty than any other moon in the world. Shhhh.....!!
She said she want to know me but didn't gave me a chance to let know about me. Now, its a different story altogether. I dont know where it is heading. I dont know what is going on with her. I dont know what she thinks about me. I know only thing that what I feel for her is not going to change anyway. She is the first one and last one for me. She is the most special person in my life and will remain so. I have been waiting for her from last few years and this wait will go untill the last hitch of my throat. I wish.....!!
Just I want to say, "Please forgive me... I can't stop Loving you."
Anyway, now I know what to cook and I am going to prepare for my food. Will be back soon with few short stories and poems. Thanks

Our story.

Yesterday was a very special day for me. It was the birthday of a very special person in my life. Though, we haven't met yet but still she is everything for me. It was the more special day for me than her, I guess. I spent the day only thinking about her. And my bad luck, I only could get only a one second long glimpse of her. She was looking too beaitiful in her pink top. She must not have noticed me but I noticed only her, the whole day. The so special day went without her again. I spent the whole day alone. I didn't like it. I thought to go and waste my six hours watching a useless movie, but the hope to get another glimpse of hers couldn't let me move from my place.
I had planned something for her. I wanted to send some flowers to her place as a bday wishing. However, I changed my plan because of my thoughts. I will never want her to face any problem because of me. And my present could have created a problem for her I guess.
How could I end up not wishing her. So I thought to call her and wish her. I don't know why I preferred to text her instead of calling at exactly 12 at night. I sent two texts and not any one got delivered unfortunately. And I did it again. Surely it reached her this time. And she replied too, with a thanks and a question. The question I always feared to answer. I didn't answer exactly what I should have. I was afraid. I am afraid. I am afraid to loose her, though, I never got her in my life. She was always far from me. I was just any other person to her may be. However, the fact is, she is everything to me. She still don't know that I wished her, I guess.
Today, its again the same old day, with my pen, paper and my thoughts. Of course she is there in my thoughts. However, I haven't written anything from morning. Not even a line. I am feeling lost. I am feeling restless. I want to talk to her. I want to see her. And its difficult in the circumstances. I just can hope for the better things to happen. I can't say that I can't live without her, of course I am living without her but, life will be more meaning ful with her. Life will be more happy with her.
There's more things going into my mind which I can't share with anyone, as there is no one to share. And this is the best place where I can write my heart out. And I know that she won't read it for sure. Safest place to say something where I know that no she is not listening.
I am thinking about my future, our future. And as a writer, I can sense what is going to happen. I can see the future. only two possibilities are their. Either this story will not turn out, or it will be a story with a lots of twists and turn which can be a bestseller. I want it to be simple. I want to have a love story where only happiness is there. I want to make it cute. I don't want to write our own story. I don't want  a villain in our life. I don't want our story to be a sad one. Hope she will understand me and my love and our cute upcoming story.

My marriage: A rumour.

Funny things keep happening with me always. And I enjoy it always, no matter it's in my favor or not. Most of the time it opposes me. However it is the part and parcel of the game and I don't complain it.
Anyway, it is about the latest funny incident. Believe me, its really funny. Few days ago an old man approached my home. I was not present there then. He introduced himself as a father while he looked like a grandfather. Now the joke starts. He was a father of a daughter and he was on a visit to my place for a 'Rishta'. When he said the related words, my father was in a funny sock. And other members of the family were hardly controlling their laughter. I couldn't have controlled if present though. The old man wanted to arrange my wedding to his daughter. And he wanted to see me.
"How do you know my son?" my father asked him. And the old man took a name which was hard to believe. Anyway the conversation went on like this.
"Okay, my son is actually not in the town. So tell me what do you want to know about him."
"There is nothing to ask as the relation is suggested by Raman babu. I just wanted to see your son and finalise everything." what a confident person he was.
"But I have something to tell you. Everything should get clear before we go ahead with it."
He looked with a bit confused eyes.
"My son does nothing. And he doesn't have a plan to do something meaning ful in near future. Apart, he is a wasted poet and an author too...." And he kept on counting the bad points about me to avoid this situation. The old man had the look of wonder in his eyes.
"But we heard that your son is in government service as told by Raman babu."
"Sorry, you have mis heard it." My dad said.
"No problem, we can wait for him. We are in no hurry." what he was? He wanted to tie his daughter to an unemployed person?
"Look Shyam babu, I don't want to hurt you but the fact is, we can't decide anything about my son. He has strictly asked me to not to look for anyone. And last, he is not yet matured to get married. So, you can look for a better groom around." Finally he went. And my sister called me to tell this. I couldn't stop my laughter. Nor she could. I mean, I am still only 23 and they want me to get married. And get married to a girl whom I don't even know. Strange it is.
And by the way, I don't believe in arranged marriages in todays world. It doesn't have any meaning. May be only I think this way, but love come arrange is the best possible option available.
"Aur Waise v, main shayar hu aur shayar arrange marriages to nai karte hain. Hum shayar to mohabbat karte hain. Main alag nahi hu."

Incomplete talk

In past few days, I have been thinking about my personal and professional life. Both are quite unpredictable. And sometimes both are boring. Sometimes I think that I am the most bored person around and sometimes, I contradict myself. Just because i enjoy more in a situation in which i am. No other person can have a feel good smile in a situation where I am. This is me. I take everything as a challenge. I find fun from everything around and make myself a happy person. Sometimes everything around looks funny to me and may be others find a funny part of mine. 

Anyway, I was talking about past few days, isn't it? No, I guess about my personal and professional life, which keeps me waiting always. I am not complaining about both, but I know that some part of it is destiny and some part of it is what I am responsible for. 

My personal life could have been better  and struggle free but I chose happiness over money. I chose such a profession for myself in which only struggle is there. And I am struggling from last few years without any success. Though, I am confident of my success, I am waiting. Waiting for something good to happen in my life. Something to cheer about and party for. May be destiny wants me to wait some more. 

Let's not talk much about professional. I am not a professional kind of person. My profession is a very important part of my personal life. That's my passion. Other than my passion, a lot of things are there who is letting me wait. For which I am trying, may be not so hard, but without any success. Yes, I accept, it could have been a better try. 

First, I am fed up of my skinny look. I want to gain some wait these days and am trying for this too but not succeeding. Isn't it funny. You may not find anything funny in my look, but I do sometimes. 

My friends are a very important part of my life. And only here, I am lucky a little. I have got some very good friends, but they can not be with me always. They have their own life. 

So, ultimately, it comes to my life only. My empty life but not so empty heart. There is a sweet, beautiful angel in there. the one who is my inspiration. The one who is my passion. The one without whom I am incomplete. Yes, she is in my heart but still far away from life. Though, not so far away but at a considerable distance.

I am waiting for her. But this could have been different, I know. My mistakes are, I never tried. I know that hacking an account, calling blankly or writing poems about her is not going to work anyway. If I claim to love her, then I have to show up. But at the same time, I am dumb at showing up. I am dumb enough to propose her, may be because I am afraid. I am the last person who can impress her with his looks. I am worst when I talk to her. But this is me. I can't change. I can't change for anything. May be because, i don't want to change. May be because my not so perfect personality loves her and don't want to change this feeling for any mean. There may be many reasons but one fact is I love her. And I will keep waiting for her. 

I do wrong talks at wrong times. But I can't help it. If I am talking then I can't stop talking about her. My talks and My life is incomplete without that name. Sorry, I will not tell you that name. It's all private....;)

https://www.facebook.com/pages/I-Wish-life-gives-me-one-more-chance/528617000524006

Few more steps towards her

She was right there in front of me. Almost a hundred steps away but I couldnt see her. I could recognize her in that dark night. Yes it was she only. My eyes can be wrong for once but not my heart. My heart suddenly started beating fast. It was showing all the signs of her presence.
She was still there.Ninety steps away from me. I was walking to decrease the distance. But her her presence and her glowing face was playing its magic. Eyes wanted to stick there on that face and body was sweating all alone. Feet was refusing to walk. I forced but still I was not able to put it in the appropriate place. I Was fumbling. I was stammering in heart. I never care about my looks but right then I thought that how am I looking. I forgot that I was tired just a few seconds ago. I forgot about my headache. Everything dissapeared and new problems appeared. I forgot that I have to submit my assignments today. Only she was there in my mind like always.
70 steps and I noticed that she was not alone. Someone was there with her. Her friends I guess. Yupp, those were her friends to whom she was talking. They must have noticed me by the time I guess. And this thought was enough to make me more nervous. I had to remove my eyes from there forcefully. I wanted to look at her. I wanted everything else to dissapear other then us. I wanted the timecto stop so that I could be in front of her always.
But alas! It never happened. I was still managing to move. And time never left its speed. Ten, nine, eight and Seven. I wanted to stop there as time didn't stop. I wanted to talk to her and hear her beautiful voice for life. I wanted to stop and sink in her beautiful eyes.
But again it didn't happen. This time my legs refused to stop. I kept moving and moving. Now I was the one making the distance. I hated it. I wanted to turn back but my neck Was afraid of getting caught. Finally I turned but she was no where.
I left her far behind I guess. But she was still there In my heart and in my eyes. I looked at her smiling face and smiled myself. Again I took a step. One more step towards her.

Her colored face

Well, its over. The holi is over and there was nothing interesting I did. Nothing at all. It was just like another boring day of my life. Nothing special happened. May be I never tried to make it special but still nothing could have happen if I had tried.
May be they can say I am boring. I don't blame. I have all the visible quality of a boring person. But this is not me. I am not boring at all. Its just that I pretend to be boring. Situation doesn't allow me to do not so boring things. I can't have fun alone. I can't laugh out loud alone. In fact nothing not so boring can be done alone. But still I try to find fun in every thing around me. I don't hate boring things now. I do it every time. And believe me it helps me a lot.
Writing is the most boring thing the new generation think of and I do it. Reading is another boring thing and this time too, its my favorite while no one is around me. When I read something two thing happens. First, sometime I compare what I read to what I have written, and I feel happy that I am better. And if not then I learn to make it better.
Today also, on the very special occasion of holI, I did three things. First, I read. Second, I wrote some more words of my fourth novel. And last but not the least, I tried to find my soul. I found her again and smiled. I saw her playing holi and I felt happy. I wrote another song for my soul and i liked it in the end. I never get bored doing these three things. My writing is my career. Reading make me better. And I can't imagine my days without my soul. Everytime I see her, I fall in love with her again and again. And the same is with my writing and reading too. Its all important. Most important thing like my family and friends, these three are also the part of my life. And how can I spend any special day without these three. I don't regret it if someone says me boring while I do these things.
Anyway, its end of the day and a new day will start after the end of the darkness. Looking forward to it.
And if you are going to play holi again tomorrow, then wishes for you.

Kundan vidyarthy

Accepted and deleted.

I was too happy that day. And Why not? Afterall I was successful in finding her after a long try. I finally I found her profile on Facebook. I can't explain how happy I was. I read her profile thrice. I saved her profile picture into my cellphone. Immediately I wanted to request her for friendship. But then I controlled my emotions. I must wait some more, I thought.
But love is love. It never listen to anyone else. I ended sending her a request. And desparetly waited for her acceptance, though the chances were very low.
I couldn't sleep whole night in excitement. The profile of kruti was open on my cellphone for evening to morning. I checked it every minute. Have she accepted or not? This was the question of the night.
Finally she accepted my friend request in Facebook. I was officially a friend of hers. And this was the height of happiness for me. Even I danced in that excitement. I was flying high in the sky.
Around 2 o'clock I logged in again and found her online. Immediately I thought to message her but controlled myself again. I was still thinking of what to write when she went offline. I checked her profile again and all my happiness went off. She was no more in my friend list. She had removed me from her list of friends. I was socked and hurt. But again I controlled.
After three days, I again requested her for friendship. And this time she accepted it and deleted within a minute. Very next moment, I was blocked. She blocked me and I controlled again. Couldn't even Blame her, coz I love her.
A question bubbled up in my mind that if she wanted to delete me then why she accepted at the first place? If she wanted to block me then why she accepted my request second time? I never got an answer. Many thoughts for the answer still pop sometimes but nothing is convincing. Only kruti knows the answer.
     Kundan vidyarthy.

I accept, I am weak.

What is happening with me? Why I am feeling so restless? Everything was okay, then why I am feeling to shout suddenly? Why and of what I am scared so much? I am feeling like to laugh and cry at the same time. And still I have not found any of the answer.
I was having a discussion in the evening about my love with one of my closest friend. She asked me if I really love kruti or not? I had the answer. I said yes without thinking.
"When will  You talk to her?" She asked again. And this time I was out of answer. I wanted to answer but couldn't. It was not only my friend's question but also mine. If I claim to love kruti then why I am hesitating to ask her? I got confused. A never ending pain started somewhere in my heart.
"If you won't tell her, then I will ask her about you this time." she said again. I contradicted her immediately. Why I did so? I don't know. She kept asking for a permission and I restricted her with an oath. She became helpless.
Its not like I don't want to talk to the one whon I love. Or I don't want to meet her. I do want. I do need her beside me. I know that no one else can fill her place. And her empty space in my life hurts more now. Then why? Why I don't move my step forward. No answer comes out of my heart or mind.
May be I am afraid of loosing her. But I never got her? Then why should I get afraid?
"okay, then stop talking and thinking about her." my friend said again. May be she was right.
"I never think about her" I said. But my heart knows how I Said that to her. I felt the pain. I am still feeling it. I want to cry coz I am not so strong.
No matter how much I try to ignore my love, but I know how it feels when I do it. No Matter how much I say I don't care but everything related to her effects me. No matter how much I try to be cool when I hear about her links with other guys but inside I always cry.
Yes, I am afraid. I am afraid of a 'no' from her. I don't have the guts to hear it. May be this it one if the reason I don't talk to her. But I am still happy with that pain. Coz that pain belongs to her. I can spent my life just thinking about her and looking at her pics then to live with her 'no'.
I know that a yes can change my life. But i can't even hear a no even in my dreams.
Yes, I am not so strong. I am weak. And I don't regret it.
      Kundan vidyarthy

My crushlist.

I have been crushed out few times. I mean I have also a few names under my crush list like everyone. I was not a ‘jerk’ but still I was a jerk. Though now I am not. I am not a jerk at all now. And the reason is my heart. There is only one name residing in from last few years. There is only one face I desire to look at every time. There is only one girl with whom I want to spend my rest of the life. And the worst part or may be the best part is, she is still away from me. it’s a different story, will tell you some other time.

Anyway, coming to my crush list, my first was when I was in fifth standard. She was as beautiful and sweet as her name. She was older than me I guess. I can’t be sure coz I never asked about her age. We should never ask about their age, and I was very much not aware of the fact. Soon I left the school and she just couldn’t come into my life. She couldn’t turn into a lover from the crush.

My next crush was in 8^th standard and then in 10^th standard. Like many of you, in 8^th she was my class teacher and in 10^th she was my senior. I was the favorite student of the teacher. I used to solve every sum for the class and she used to just relax in her chair. And the later one, my senior was just a hi and hello girl. One day my senior got committed with one of her senior and I stopped looking at her.

All the four of my crushes seemed to take away my heart in her first look. Either it was my 5^th grade or my first year. But no one was able to take my heart away actually. Finally the fifth girl came into my life and did the tough task. My heart is no more with me from last few years. She took it away. She made me feel lonely. She made me cry. I am missing her. And yes, I didn’t feel for her when I saw her first. She was just another kid. But that kid did the kidding part. And rest is the future.

Again coming to the crush list and this is about my fourth crush. She was my longest crush. Almost one and a half year long crush. As it was just a crush, It had to vanish. Slowly and steadily I lost every crushing interest that beautiful lady.

One beautiful evening, after I lost every interest in the longest crush, I was having a routine walk in the streets of Jaipur. There was a park near by and I walked into it. As it was already a half and hour walk, I preferred to sit on the bench in one of the corner.

I was still wondering in my thoughts when a skinny, not so tall boy walked to me. He had some bad intentions in his eyes. May be wanted to kill me. Or, may be he wanted to beat me up.

“Yes.” I said with my evergreen smile.

“Are you Raj?” he asked in fuming tone.

“Yes, do you have any problem?” I was confused but calm.

“Yes, I have problem.”

“Oh! Should I change my name? Okay no probs. Suggest me some name and I will choose one of them.” I joked out of habit. And surely he didn’t like it.

“You bloody, I am not here to have fun with you.” He was crossing the line. I felt to slap him on his face. But I controlled my urge. Coz I knew that my one tight slap can let him kiss the ground. Though I have never been a muscle man but still, I knew my strength.

“Then? Then why are you here? Excuse me! Do I know you in the first place?” I tried to be serious for the first time.

  “I am here to warn you. Don’t dare to look at Gracy again or I will kill you.” He tried to threaten me.

Oh! That means, he was the well wisher of my longest crush. But how does he know me? Gracy must have told him. But why now? Doesn’t she liking that I am not taking interest in her. I don’t even give a crap for her.

“Wow angry young man! I am scared! Thank you for giving me one more chance.” I tried to act once more. Believe me, I am a very good actor. “By the way, who are you? Her brother?” I asked again.

“No. She is my girlfriend. And it will be better for you to maintain a distance from her.” he said. I felt to laugh out loud. He was the boyfriend? Duffer he was. Anyway, more fun was ahead. It was my turn to play with him.

“Hey Mr. Boyfriend. Cool down and sit here.” I said in my usual cool tone.

“I am cool, that’s why I am alone here. Otherwise I could have come with my friends and beaten you up.” It was height of my patience I was listening his craps. He could have went red faced otherwise.

“Relax buddy, sit here. Thanks that you came alone. This way you saved yourself and your friends too. “ I put my hand on his shoulder and said. “You know what, may be I am a supporter of non violence but I don’t think its same with my friends and well wishers. If something happens to me than you don’t know what they can do to you. So you better relax.”

He didn’t answer.

“As far as Gracy is concerned, then if you trust her, if you love her and she loves you, than you don’t have to worry. I never troubled her. But at the same time, you can’t change my feelings. If I love her then I love her. You can’t do anything. Just trust your relationship and take care of her.” I lied the last part. Coz I never loved her.

 I could have broken their relationship. I could have told him each and everything, and I knew that it was enough to break their relationship. But never believe in breaking the relationships. I believe in making it.

We talked for next half an hour. About his life and his ambitions. As a senior, I suggested him many things which was better for his life.

“AS we are friends now, can’t you forget her for your friend.” He requested. A smile ran over my face.

That was the day and this is the day after four years. No new crush in my life. may god bless all my crushes.

When the night rises

Its almost 2 o'clock. The night is too dark to see. The night is rising. The night is rising towards a beautiful morning. But right now the whole world is sleeping except some freak people like me. May be they are up for some work. May be they are on phone or busy with someone. But I am not busy. Its just that i cant sleep at all. And there are many reasons for this.
The thoughts of my family, the thoughts of my future and my past is keeping my mind engaged. What i was? What i am? And what i will be??? No answer. Everything is in dark, just like the darkness of night. May be there is a beautiful morning ahead, but the wait is not getting over. I feel tired of waiting. I want this wait to get over. I want to see the beautiful morning again.
In past couple of years, may be i have chosen a different way for myself. May be it is far from traditional ways. But i have done every bit of what should be done. I got continuous failure, but never gave up. I kept up working and i will keep working anyway. But sometimes, i feel frustrated. Its hard to continue without any success. Still i am doing it.
I am a dreamer. I dream with open eyes. And believe in following my dreams. I am just doing the same. I am just following my dream. And i am sure, one day success will come my way.
Today, when i look back, i get myself standing alone. And believe me, this is the worst feeling. I miss each of them equally. I wish them to be with me. But at the same time, i know the fact that most People leave you in your hard days. I am not in a situation to complain anyway. I know that this is my life and i have to face it alone.
I have one more dream which i never followed. But my god knows, i think of her every moment. I think of her with every single breathe i take. I just cant get her off my head. She is in my eyes and in my heart. No matter how big problem is there, she dont go off for even a second.
Whenever i am alone and not even a sound is around, her thought gets over every other thought. And thats the time when she plays with my emotions most. Thats the time when i miss her the most. I wish he could be with me.
If i am sleeping, she enters my dream, she smiles, she talk and dissapear. She promises to come again and keep every promise of hers. But never comes when i need her. Never comes when i am awake. May be she is playing with me. May be she is enjoying this game if hide abd seek. But still, i love her and i cant stop loving her.
Now, its the time. She must be waiting for me to sleep so she can meet me in my dream. And i cant keep her waiting for long. Take care
And yes, I will live each and every dream if mine one day. Its a promise to myself. Hey unfollowed dream, i am coming soon.
    kundan vidyarthy

I am Sorry And I mean it.

Sorry! This five lettered word worth millions actually. It looks like nothing, sounds like nothing but this word actually means a lot. One sorry can make or break a relation. And in my opinion nothing can be more important than making someone happy or saving a relationship. Nothing.
Some people are too rude and egoistic to use this word. No matter they are wrong or right. But such people never say sorry to someone. I don't think that saying sorry will make his status small or something else. I have seen some people in my life who have done some terrible mistakes but never said sorry. They know that they have just hurt some one or spoiled  a life but still they don't care.They know that it was his mistake but never feel to say sorry.
Why the hell should I! This is the reaction in most of the cases. And this attitude always kills a relationship. Some uses this word but don't mean it. In this case also a relationship can't survive. Sorry is not just a casual word. It is the word full of feelings.
If you know that one sorry can make things better or make someone smile then just say it. Don't think that whose mistake was this but say it. You will feel better and your life will be a happy one. If your sorry can save a few relations and few smiles than in my opinion you are the most successful person.
I am 23 now. In these few years of my life i have tried my best to not to hurt anyone. But somewhere down the line I have ended up hurting them. May be the reason was some misunderstanding sometime. May be the reason was sometimes I lied to them for some good. May be there was some good or bad reasons. But reason never matters. What matters is the result. And the truth is they were hurt with my behavior or my doings. So, to every one who were the part of my life someday, who are the part of my life and to the one who will come in my life some day, to all of them I want to say sorry.Please forgive me for all my mistakes which i have done and which is going to occur in future.
If you feels that you have done some mistake or you can make things better, just call to say sorry. Spread some smiles.
                                "माफ़ी मांगने से अगर कोई बड़ा या छोटा हो जाता,
                                 माफ़ी मांगने से कोई अगर कोई अमीर या गरीब होता,
                                तो आज यूँ होता जमाने में, माफ़ी न मांगने वालों,
                                तू ऊपर बैठा खुदा होता और मैं आज भी फ़कीर होता."

Letter on valentines...To the special one

Well...! Today is valentines day. So first of all wish you all a very happy valentines day. Hope you all will enjoy this day. Its the day for everyone who knows the real meaning of love. And now, as it is a special day for which we want to spend with someone special, so despite being single I am writing this letter to my one and only valentine. Hope she will read it some day. You all too must write or say something special to your valentine today. If you love someone than don't hesitate just tell her. But as I am a little bad at telling, I will write it for my valentine.

"Hi my dear special one. I am sorry. I am sorry that I still couldn't find a way to reach you with my words. Hope you will forgive me for that. Anyway, Happy valentines day to you. I don't have roses or any other gift for you at the moment, but I have a lots of love inside my heart for you. I know you are not right here in front of me to hear my words but as people say that there is no need to say something if two heart are connected. Those two heart in touch always understand the unsaid words. May be your heart is not connected with mine but still I don't feel that I should speak to let you hear these words. I know that some day you will surely hear this.  And that will be our day for sure.
You know what, you are not the most beautiful lady on earth anyway but still no one could attract me after I saw you. I haven't yet heard your voice but still I can recognize it in the noise too. Though we haven't met once but still I can say that I trust you. And its all because I trust the word love. I trust myself and my feelings for you. Your smile doesn't make me crazy anyway but when ever you smile, no matter how much I am stressed, I feel relaxed. Your one look is enough to vanish all the stress from my mind and get one fresh smile on my face.
I won't say that I can't live without you coz  I am living without you from last few decades. But yes, my life will be better if you enter it some day. And I will try to make you happy forever. I won't be able to promise that I will fill all your life with happiness but yes, I can promise you that I won't leave you in any situation. Every enemy of yours will have to face me first.
Each and every word may look like bullshit  sometime, but this is truth just like my existence is truth and my heartbeats are truth.
Don't worry. I won't propose you until you will discover the same faith on me which i have in you. By the time you enjoy your day and life. Keep smiling.
Yes, misunderstanding happens everywhere like you have some about me. But misunderstanding can't lead our life. We have to take over it anyway. And I know it will happen some day. Where ever you are, you will come my way soon. That's my faith on you.
At last, my love for you will never change in any situation. Thanks. Missing you in my life. Love."

Well guys, it was all private talk. wish you a very Happy valentines again.

Lost... Refound

Its been already two and a half year we got apart from each other. They both were lucky to be in the same city and so were we, but our group was no longer at one place. Group of seven people got divided into 5 subgroups which no one liked. Two people each in Delhi and Kolkata, one each in Assam, Allahabad, and vellore. No one wanted to do this but destiny used to be rude most of the time and this time we were on the target of the 'Destiny'.
Anyway, everyone got busy with their new roles, and so was I. We all had to compromise with the situation but it was never easy to do so. I always felt like a parrot in a cage who have wings but can't fly, and they must have felt the same. Especially when I saw three or more friends gossiping around or having fun together. Any friend group in the park, on the road or in the metros always dragged me in our sweet memories of past. Sometimes I felt jealous of those groups who were still together. It made me sad sometimes and sometimes I smiled after viewing such groups because I too had one wonderful group. But the word 'Had' hurt me most. The distances never let my smile keep going.
It was not like our group was broken. We were still together but far from each other. Thanks to telecommunication and social media that we were in constant touch.  It was not like we never met in last few years. We did meet but never was the whole group together. Every time two of the friends got together we discussed our past, we missed our past and our other friends too. We wished every time that we could get together again some day and never could get apart this time.
And now almost after 30 months, somewhat of our wishes are coming true. All thanks to the wonderful application 'Whatsapp' that we are again together from last three days. Believe me, we are enjoying this like never before. Gossiping, flirting, loving and fighting... everything is going here. Again the smiles on every lips are back. But this is not enough. I want these smiles to get broader forever. I want all of us at one place again. I don't know when my this dream will come true, but I am sure that it will happen some day and that will be the most special day of our life.
Fingers crossed.... praying to god.....!

Fake NGO

It was almost four o'clock in the afternoon. We just had left Asansol junction when three ladies entered our compartment. This is the incident of 29th January and I was returning from my Delhi trip. The train was already three hours late but still we were relaxed that we will reach by 7 in the evening.
Anyway, those ladies were collecting donations from passengers and we guessed that they were from some NGO. Soon one lady was in front of us, explaining the reason for her visit. According to her, they were collecting donation for the NGO which works for the patients of thalassemia and they have over fifty children of this category. They arranges medicines and accommodation for those patients until they recover from the disease. Anyway, after her explanation we all passengers donated some amounts to her and collected the receipt.
One of our co passengers who was silent by the time suddenly asked her name and she wrote it on the slip. that person was still not convinced. He took out his phone and dialed the number which was present on the slip given by one of the NGO worker. Unexpectedly, it was saying, "The number you dialed is not valid". He dialed it again and this time his phone was on speaker. Again the same result. It was a total scam in the name of a fake NGO. My co passengers ran to catch those ladies in the other compartments. I too followed them.
The ladies saw us and we I could see stress on their faces. Our leader asked her about the fake phone number and she started giving excuses. She gave another number to talk. we dialed but from the other end what we heard was enough to prove that they were spammers. They said, "We don't have any patient here. we don't provide accommodation to any of them. Yes sometimes some people come for help and we do help them." The phone was on speaker and the so called NGO workers were caught red handed. Everything was false and fake. Some advised to inform the police and some to teach them a lesson. As they were all ladies we came to a conclusion that we must let them go this time after getting our money back.
Today, after almost 5 days I feel that we did a mistake. We must have complaint against them to police. Just because of some fake people people hesitates to help some good people too. We must wake up now and take action against every bad person and every enemy of society. This way only we can make our society better.

confuse me...

Well, its 30th January 2013 and I am sitting in front of my laptop from last three continuous hours. But couldn't write a single word before I started posting my few poems and the Delhi trip experience. Now as I have finished posting some of them, I am again at the same point without any clue that what should I write. And yet again I have started writing just another mindless post.
Its been almost two months i finished writing my third novel, which is the story of a very confused guy who doesn't know what he wants from life. Right from then, I have wrote only poems and blog posts. Its not like there is not any plot in my mind for my next venture. There is, and i have tried few of them. In last two months I have started writing on three different plots but after writing few thousand words, i feel that the story is not good enough for a novel. I starts comparing and finally gave up on every plot. I know this is not a good sign as a writer and I have to get over this. May be continuous failure is the reason, but I am trying hard to get over this. Or may be I needed a refreshment and change of environment. So I traveled through Rajasthan And Delhi last week. And believe me, it was real good. I enjoyed it a lot and now I am on with my writing again.
Yes, I have got a very interesting plot. The story of an unlucky teenager who hates her family. Hope I will finish this story successfully and you all will like it.

Delhi Trip

After a hectic week in Suratgarh, Rajasthan, I was heading towards Delhi for the weekend.  So much of excitement to meet my old friends. Hoping for a wonderful weekend I stepped into the Luxury Bus from Suratgarh to Delhi at around 7:30 in the evening. looking at every passing trees and field full of sand, the excitement was increasing. I couldn't even close my eyelids for a second. But the journey was too long, so I played some beautiful numbers through my cell phone to kill time.
At around 4 A.M, just when the Bus was about to enter the capital city, the bus stopped. I thought its traffic, but soon I realized that its night time and there is not any chance of getting rush this time. All my excitement vanished when I heard the drivers voice. He was saying to get off the bus and the reason was not the traffic but the 26th January. Yes, due to republic day, the buses were not allowed to enter the city for security reasons. I was stuck there in Bahadurgarh with all the passengers. I was not getting what to do. I called my friend to whom i was going to meet and he said me to get a cab from that place. But I was not lucky to get it so soon. I had to spent 20 more minutes to get a cab (Smaller vehicles were allowed to enter the city) and they dropped me at an unknown place in Delhi. i was still 20 KM from my destination and the chances were very less to get anything soon. Finally I got an auto and finally reached Adarsh Nagar where my friend came to receive me.
Morning was not far and the fun was just to begin. Me and my two friends were together almost after 20 months. First we went for Race2 in a racing mood. we raced till the multiplex and enjoyed the Race2 with John and Saif. It was the time to race again and this time the race was for food. the place was food court without any empty table. Anyway, we had our lunch and race was onn again.
The time was five in the evening and we were at the Akshardhaam metro station. The temple was just 50 steps away but we took the rickshaw from there to cover the distance, isn't is amazing? And most amazing thing happened when we got back from Temple without entering it. The reason was crowed. We had some water and took our steps back from there.
again it was eating time and we were at Pirates of grill. I overate again and had to take some medicine to digest those delicious food.
Pahalwan dhaba in Haryana for breakfast, Kutub minar, Delhi haat for lunch, India gate and the whole south Delhi Darshan next day. Additional CP visit, Bangla saheb gurdwara visit next day and the trip was over.
Two days were too short to enjoy with them. But still, we enjoyed every bit of those two days. Finally we departed in the end  with a promise onn. The promise to come back soon. The promise to make our time large. Hope this will happen soon.

Resolution 2013

At the end of every year most of us make some resolution for the new year. But at the end those resolutions remains in our diary only, never comes out of the pages. I know this fact, so never penned down any point titled resolutions.
But at the start of 2013 I wish for something. I wish for some events to take place in my life. Just the wishes which may not come true but for which I will try my best in upcoming days.
1). I want to get employed.
2). I wish to meet my friends and have a blast every day.
3). I wish love to enter my life and make it more beautiful.(Not necessary though)
4). I wish at least two of my books get published.
5). I want to write at least three more novels this year.
6). I wish to do those things which gives me satisfaction.
7). I wish my friends to be together like always and remains same as there are.
8). I wish India to grow as country.
9). I wish our politicians to get honest this year.( impossible)
10.) I wish the prices of everything comes down.
11). I want to read as much as I can.
12). No more accidents and shameful events to take place.
13). I wish everyone to be happy in upcoming days.
14). I wish everyone to respect each other especially we must learn to respect women.
15). I wish the government makes some strong laws against child abuse, rape and murder.
16). I wish our law and justice system to improve and a little fast so that one doesn't have to wait for justice so long.
17). And I wish that every wish of mine comes true.
These are my wishes. What about yours?
Anyway have a wonderful year ahead. Happy new year 2013.

2012 for me

2012 is going to end in some more hours and 2013 is about to bigin. If analyzes the ending year, it was a good one for me. Though it was not up to what I expected it to be but at the same time, it doesn't go your way everytime. At the end I am happy for what the year gave me.
Till yesterday, like everyone I was also complaining about this year. 'The year was a bad one for ' I said a lot of times without even realising the positives. I was feeling sad. But at the time I turned towards the positives, a million dollar smile ran over my face.
I went jobless this year again. I went love less this year again. Many things again didn't came my way as I wanted. These were the enough reason to be sad. And I was. But in these moments of sadness, I discovered my passion for writing. I came to know my capabilities.
I took the pen and I realized that I was good at it. Soon I finIshed writing a lot of pages. Though not any of my works got published but one of the novel got selected by one of the biggest publishing house of India for publication. This was one of my biggest achievement this year. Even one of my poems got published in one of the known newspaper. Enough reason to be happy.
It was bad that I was far from some of my friends but at the same time they were never far from my heart. My friends were my biggest support throughout the year. They are the one who knows how to get best out of me. They are the one who motivates me. I can proudly say that they are my friends. And I love Them all.
I started hating the one whom I loved. But couldn't continue doing so. She was never with me. She was never by my side. But I can't curse her for that. She was the inspiration of my life and I want to thank her for that. May be she hates me but I have every good for her. Hope she will keep smiling and inspiring me.
My parents and family were loving and caring like always. I can proudly say that they are my parents and I love them all.
I want to thank every person who made my life beautiful or gave me a chance to learn from my mistakes.
Coming at the end of the year, it made me a bit sad. Last one odd months were shameful for all of us. I can't change what happened with some of the girls in our country but we can surely take a step forward to make a change in future. Hope that every one starts respecting each other and no more such incident will take place. I wish I could change everything.
I had some misunderstanding and a cold war with one of my friends. He took me wrong or may be I took him wrong. I want to tell every one with whom I had a fight once that 'I love them '.
I want to tell them all who thinks that it was a bad year for him or her, just find the one reason and smile for that it happened.
Wish you a very happy new year.

I am angry

I am very angry right now and only way to get rid of my anger is writing. I don't have a better way to express it. I want others to feel my anger.
Some days ago i decided that i will not write another love story for a while now. But some real incidents are really forcing me to write it. I wish i could kick them out of the world. They dont deserve to be in this beaitiful world. And I will write another novel which will be the mixture of love, hate, murder, politics and the currupt sustem.
A week ago a love story came into news. They made it a political issue after they found a dead body which was recognized as the lover boy. The bad elements of politics destroyed a lot of the public properties. Police was not less, all the mistakes was theirs. In these police killed three another. Later they found that the first dead body was not of the lover boy. C.M took the responsibility of the incident.
Now currupt system and law is showing its real face. They are arresting innocent people for no reason. Just to hide their mistakes.
No one is asking about the dead bodies now. No one cares about the deads.
I just hate this system. And feeling to kill all those who is trying to cheat the innocence and against the love.